regina joans writes

ahhh! changes!

2012-01-28T19:07:00.017-05:00

i'm so excited to be opening a creative art space in charming kennett square, pa this spring!

since i was a young girl, the arts have been a means for me to discover life unfolding & find my way. my writing, drawing & photography was always something personal. over the past few years, i have publicly engaged it a bit, for perspective on how to thread my ideas of creativity & hope into a community. could this be a job vs. a hobby? having studied finance & french during my undergraduate years at villanova, i found my way into the business space, but have always known it was not the full extent of my occupational calling. working with kids & the downtrodden have always been close to my heart. creatively, i am always bursting with ideas as just a natural part of who i am - i am always wishing i have more time to engage these passions. i have never really known exactly how & when the road would veer & wind. i wake up & trust all seasons of life build one on top of the other, & i try to follow the call for today, engage well, & believe in faith that tomorrow will reveal itself as it should.

over this past year, i finally found a release from west palm beach where i've been living for nearly 7 years. in my private prayers, i have not had peace that it was time to go until the last 6 to 8 months, but i didn't know where... enter contemplation & exploration. this past year involved a lot of time in chicago which i've grown to absolutely adore. it is a beautiful city with a kind culture. inventive food, history & the arts are everywhere. after i realized it was time to go, & with a life in chicago unfolding, i was about 3 seconds away from moving there, excited to live in a place with more creative opportunity...

my sis got married right at the end of the summer as i was making this final decision about the move. a group of us were sitting around at a local coffee shop outside of philadelphia, & our friend was talking about her shop in kennett square. KSQ is about 30 minutes outside of philadelphia in the beautiful brandywine valley. great artists like andrew wyeth have come out of this part of the country. longwood gardens is around the corner - striking grounds with flowers & trees that leave you breathless. i shared with her that it was a dream of mine to one day have a creative art space to sell my art but also to do community outreach, music, classes, gallery openings with coffee & proecco:)... she encouraged me to look into it with the historic society, assuring me that they wanted young entrepreneurs. it seemed crazy to me, because having looked into this before in other locales, rents in any geographically viable community were untouchable (for me). well... fast forward through coming back to florida after the wedding & turning chicago down, to an autumn full of negotiations (life savings signed away), to this result: regina joans will be opening this spring at 117 w. state street in KSQ! it is a leap of faith, but the right kind of risk. i am pretty spastically excited & daunted all at once!!

at this point in my life, i was willing to go wherever, but candidly, a move to philadelphia was not on my radar. KSQ is a solid hour from where i grew up, so it is familiar but a completely different scene. i am looking forward to discovering a new place. my "real" job funds this - they are not aware yet, & i am Hoping, Hoping, Hoping to work 15-20 hours a week remotely at first.

initially i will sell my unique framed art, creative photography, hand made mattes, cards & postcards. i'll have more time for editorial shoots, do art classes for kids & community outreaches/gallery shows in support of children's causes, coffee & music nights... it will be a place of inspiriton, ideas & becoming.

here are a few pre-shots of the space. so looking forward to all the life that will unfold inside its walls. so the story continues! new chapter! changes... are beautiful but intense. there are a million questions, but i'm trusting & stepping forward. it is hard to think about saying goodbye to some people i really love in sofla. but it's a 2 hr flight and i am a spastic traveler w/ oodles of contacts here, so it is hardly a true goodbye. there are a handful of people who have encouraged my creativity & i am genuinely wide eyed by this love & encouragement that has pushed me forward. it is unlikely i would be in this moment without their voices in my life.

all changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. (anatole france)

i flew up this past weekend to clean... i was in there listening to music, wondering what life will look like it 6 months. i just Love the creating process. this is a true labor of love, & to be honest, it is kind of overwhelming at times. stay tuned with me!!

painting the place is up next. the floor is super rad. it has a porch & is across the street is an amazing little farm to table café called talula's table. looking forward to a spring launch opening party!!

xo,
regina

adventures & stories

2012-01-24T23:02:00.003-05:00

recently i was sitting around chatting with a friend i Truly Love bantering with about real life. he is full of ideas & entirely also full of grace in the way he communicates what he thinks. i am so aware of the rarity of these sorts of connections and i smile. i am reminded of the literary & arts communities in paris in the '20s. artists, authors & dreamers would meet up in salons as they were called, and lively discussions would ensue as they untangled ideas about this crazy world.

as the lively banter unfolded, i realized the theme of our conversation was adventure... adventure in the way we live, in the way we believe, adventure in occupation, relationships, creativity...

each day is so full of opportunity. how can i get my hands messy today?

engaging with the world around us means it is sometimes full of glee & many times frayed & complex...

adventure requires trust in the tension. these tensions are remarkable moments of opportunity along our path. adventures begin & they end. with deepened character roots, we are spurred onto the next - and that's the glory of it. we all have our own adventures & there are miracles everywhere. i am always pleasantly surprised at what has been beyond just the next step of faith.

i would rather be brave & lose, than not be brave at all. & really, what is losing? in time, my biggest failures & debacles have been used in the most beautiful of ways as i humbled myself through the process of becoming.

sometimes we equate taking an adventure with its viability. we organize what we deem a successful prescribed outcome before we will take a single step. yet, faith that sees is not faith at all. life's great joys are often found in the margins of life, with strength coming to us In the strain, not in advance of it.

in the uneasy tension of not seeing the whole story, 2 themes propel me: staying the course to follow through with what has been put inside me, and also a great disdain for regret. after all is said & done, regardless of the outcome, regardless of external circumstances, i can know that i stayed the course. this makes me full of humble wonder. i don't think it always entirely about the outcome, but the miracle of what can happen to our insides along the way.

calculated risk fosters the true & deep work of the soul.

i am reminded again that this way of living costs something. i sit here asking God for a deeper sense of wonder & courage.

for better or for worse, our individual adventures can profoundly affect the stories of the lives around us.

i want to tell a good story with how i live.

color

2012-01-15T08:44:00.006-05:00

"i found i could say things with color & shapes that i couldn't say any other way - things i had no words for..." georgia o'keeffe

image © regina latella

happy new year 2012

2011-12-30T07:07:00.009-05:00

happy new year to you!

i wish you great health of mind & spirit. a healthy mind & spirit come as a result of letting go but not giving up. it is the end of a year full of both the miraculous & the tragic. celebrate the miracles & forgive the tradgedy. forgiveness makes way for healing. lines may need to be drawn in the sand, but let anger go. sometimes we must cut our losses & walk away. we may not always see the story play out from where we are sitting. grace says none of us should get what we really deserve. you will always have what you have purely given.

what will we do with what we know?

be willing to engage in the world. live as well as you are able in the moment, apologize when need be, stand firm when need be & love audaciously through it all. life can appear unfair - but even then we have a choice to be the victim or go to the gutter & come out newer & deeper. life is either as complicated or uncomplicated as we make it. with tears streaming down our faces, there can be hope in That which is bigger than the moment we find ourselves. that Hope is uncomplicated, genuine & notwithstanding circumstance. know there is no such thing as a self fulfilling prophesy - this humanistic mindset puts far too much emphasis on human control of destiny. life happens to us. it's our responses that matter. every single day is full of new mercy from a sovereign God who sees. it is never, ever too late. just as we are not the sole solution to our problems, so also are we not the sole contributor to its fate. do as much as is in your power, always knowing that it is divine intervention that weaves all things together. sometimes it may seem like God is killing us when in fact He's actually saving us. life is not meant to be white knuckled lest we suffocate it. don't be afraid of change. it saves us & grows us. the only way out is through. be thankful. it is a healing anecdote.

i wish you a wealth of curiosity, inspiration & hope. the world around us is exploding with life & story. engage in it. it needs you as much as you need it. you will find your cup overflowing with a full heart as you give honestly.

i wish you the kind of happiness that is bubbly pure. may the kind of happiness that is a a result of inner joy & peace be yours. it will likely be the result of the refining life, and i certainly wish & pray that for you.

our yesterdays present irreparable things to us; it is true that we have lost opportunities which will never return, but God can transform this destructive anxiety into a constructive thoughtfulness for the future. let the past sleep, but let it sleep on the bosom of Christ. leave the irreparable past in His hands, & step out into the irresistible future w/ Him. // oswald chambers

finish each day & be done with it. you have done what you could. some blunders & absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. tomorrow is a new day; begin it well & serenely with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense. // ralph waldo emerson

happy christmas

2011-12-21T01:56:00.011-05:00

this christmas time i am thinking about God's humility in coming to rescue mankind through the scandalous love of Jesus. of all the things i know, of all things i could hope for or believe in, i think accepting that love is the most enduring. if we can accept this tender mercy & unconditional love, somehow this miracle softens us & we stay open, full of wonder.

happy christmas from regina joans ;)

festive winter

2011-12-19T13:05:00.006-05:00

sitting in an airport people watching! is this the best or what?! there is festive christmas music playing (drowning out some loud talkers). i am sequestered here until the next leg departs - a nice moment to catch my breath from a weekend full of travel.

i love christmas time. for a lot of reasons, but i especially love that it is so hopeful & twinkly.

this weekend i was out of florida & got a dose of cold weather & even a few flurries. it was a dream! there is something about cold winter air, white christmas lights & the smell of fire burning somewhere in the distance... i get a 5 year old's grin on my face and instantly want to toast marshmallows by a fire.

last night i was on the road for a little over an hour at dusk. the sun was setting a bright red. driving up & down hills, the sun cast a red glow on the leafless trees. the sky was a breathtaking silhouette of wintertime. ahhhh. dreamy awe.

loud talker has departed. my christmas blend coffee is almost finished. happy merry joy!

thought of the day: new mercies

2011-12-13T22:29:00.000-05:00

so we are coming to the end of another year.

this past one has been... a delight. normal feels good. oh the ebbs & tides! there is thankfulness for the hilltops & for the valleys - the valley moments give opportunity for sweet gratefulness. my hope is wilder than ever - and that pretty much feels like my own little miracle.

life isn’t conquered in a moment. it begins & ends and begins again. i think we have to have patience with ourselves, & with the process...

from a young age, i had a deep awe & reverence for my life & what it cost. looking back, as a kid, i would have never said it like that. then, i was just so curious about the world around me. i was incredibly loyal to the way life needed to unfold. totally an old soul at the age of 5. i endured the "being a little different", unaware at the time that it was the artist taking shape in me. i remember many afternoons after grade school filled with reading, drawing & dreaming. creativity & faith filled a significant part of shaping my ideals. as a young girl, i just somehow knew i was niaive & that life would unfold in due time. i knew that i didn't know. it's pretty embarrassing to admit that, but it's really just how it happened for me. and then, we live a little, we learn a little, and we realize just how much More unfolding there is to come...

i came to florida to become a newer & deeper version of myself, to challenge my weaknesses & to grow as a person. i would have never guessed i would have moved here. i crave the refining life & my time here has been gloriously gut wrenching. west palm beach was opposite of so much of what i knew of the northeast. here in florida, i have had what seems like 3 lives.

i had the life i made when i first came down here. i had to work a lot for my job & i was super transient, traveling back to philadelphia every time i saved an extra 200 dollars for a plane ticket. i would take really long walks along the intercoastal & all over palm beach. i wrote a lot. i kept all my deep rapports alive & well back north. slowly though, life began to bifurcate & i knew if florida was going to be a true life experience, i was going to have to engage in it. so i stopped flying to PA & began to not just show up, but engage in the sofla world around me.

and so part 2 commences. i drove all around finding little spots that i made my own. restaurants, parks, museums, little nooks... i could write a book on sofla's best kept secrets! soon, through a volunteer effort, i met a boy & we dated for nearly 4 years. it was a full & intense middle part of my florida story. i continued my long walks & those soulful times deepened as i pounded the pavement.

when we went our separate ways, the 3rd part of my florida life began. perspective & freedom came out of deep brokenness. it has been the most beautiful, formidable part of the story. that dating relationship should not have gone past 6 months lest some major themes changed. sad but true, i let my compassion & love get in the way of what was right. my walks have become a dear part of my day, particularly at dusk. that glowy light unravels me & i feel recharged. i hit a bit of a stride. i suppose serendipity can absolutely come out of the margin.

i think i am probably still pretty naive. but i am stronger than i think. and i know with greater certainty that more of life will unfold in due time.

sometimes we have to get a little lost on the way to being truly found. and that happens over & over again throughout the course of one's life. how any story will unravel is unknown, but the point is that there is an intricacy to the way life is weaved together. it can be a tapestry of redemption.

with childlike wonder we must trust in all that we can't see & believe that in humble participation & honest patience we will experience all Heaven has intended.

today i remind myself: be of good courage. life can make us newer & deeper if we allow it.

new discoveries are new mercies. they teach us to relish in the unknown as we embrace true freedom in becoming.

miracles

2011-12-11T07:42:00.004-05:00

psalm 103
praise the LORD, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
praise the LORD, O my soul, & forget not all his benefits-
who forgives all your sins & heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit & crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
the LORD works righteousness & justice for all the oppressed.
he made known his ways to Moses, his deeds to the people of Israel:
the LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.
he will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever;
he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.
for as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
as a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;
for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust.
as for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower of the field;
the wind blows over it & it is gone, & its place remembers it no more.
but from everlasting to everlasting the LORD's love is with those who fear him,
and his righteousness with their children's children-
with those who keep his covenant & remember to obey his precepts.
the LORD has established his throne in heaven, & his kingdom rules over all.
praise the LORD, you his angels, you mighty ones who do his bidding, who obey his word.
praise the LORD, all his heavenly hosts, you his servants who do his will.
praise the LORD, all His works everywhere in His dominion.
praise the LORD, O my soul.

+++ we are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. oscar wilde +++

hope in inequity

2011-12-08T06:24:00.001-05:00

reading some MLK jr today as i think about matching hope with the great inequities i observe around the world... his words are grand but real, & the kind of hope that is fuel...

i am not interested in power for power's sake, but I'm interested in power that is moral, that is right and that is good.

he who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it. he who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it.

every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness.

change does not roll in on the wheels of inevitability, but comes through continuous struggle. and so we must straighten our backs and work for our freedom. a man can't ride you unless your back is bent.

bird purse

2011-12-01T00:18:00.001-05:00

in a moment i think she perhaps regrets at times, :) my sister kindly gave me this bird purse a few years back.

it chirps bright & cheerful & is a conversation piece every time i tote it along...

so i've named my feathered yard birds. L to R:

bartholomew
luigi
alastair
eugene

lulu guinness did a famous job on this one!

pumpkin pie

2011-11-30T02:54:00.004-05:00

i've come to really enjoy creating pumpkin pies each year at the onset of autumn. fresh spices, creative from scratch crusts... this year, i stood in my kitchen smearing buttery hands on my apron, dancing about, smiling at the idea of fall leaves & hot apple cider...

i adore the dreaminess of autumn & what it beholds. it's romantic but also crisp & insightful. i took a walk late in the evening on thanksgiving & let the cool wind swirl around me, digging my hands deeper into my pockets. grateful. this change of season, the ends & the beginnings... it is an important process. this time of year is especially meaningful as we find our way to another end & the hope of what is just beyond the next step of faith.

"i prefer winter & fall, when you feel the bone structure of the landscape - the loneliness of it, the dead feeling of winter. something waits beneath it, the whole story doesn't show." | andrew wyeth

a bachelorette party at cake chestnut hill

2011-11-20T22:44:00.000-05:00

charming little restaurant cake in chestnut hill, pa was the perfect dinner spot for a festive bachelorette dinner party. we make firefly name cards & put a tasty biscotti at each setting. the bride-to-be was just overwhelmed with the stories & love!

gifts & flowers show the kindness & creativity of dear friends...

the restaurant was tremendously friendly & chill... definitely recommended. from the ambiance to the food to the staff, we had a positive experience.

the then soon to be mrs... mega watt good cheer!

homemade sauce + fresh basil

2011-11-16T21:28:00.000-05:00

i enjoy the art of cooking. for me, it is a creative release. i just love prancing around my kitchen making a mess of smells & tastes. like capturing life out of a still photograph, the art of cooking with full flavors has much to do with passion & creativity.

when i go to the market, i buy what looks fresh & seasonal & i take it home & create. if i could be 100% farm to table i would!

sometimes it is a layered dish, more complicated in texture and time, and other times it is simple & al fresco like this dish at left.

fresh ingredients + chemistry = my keys. cooking is delicate but intense & a very soulful art.

the wedding that was

2011-11-15T23:41:00.000-05:00

my sis got married just a couple of months ago amidst a week of wild weather in the northeast. earthquake + hurricane = a zany wedding week. nonetheless, the wedding that was had to be re-scheduled! when they finally said "i do," it was teary eyed & dreamy. she glowed.

travel polaroids

2011-11-02T21:26:00.009-04:00

i recently did a photoshoot on nantucket & was also able to spend some time there with one of my dear friends.

we had long coffee times at the bean, a tiny coffee shop right in the middle of town. you know a friend is a dear one when you can just sit in each others presence & just be. (fear not, we got in plenty of talking too).

cup of joe & camera in tow, i padded around town in my boat shoes shooting nantucket landmarks for a book project. documenting & story telling is near & dear to my heart.

flying is this moment of being suspended... and for just a little while there is this opportunity to disconnect & be still. sometimes the sky is so marvelous, i sit & simply stare... i am captured. pensive, hopeful... i look out the window & get lost in all of the colors & lines. my favorite is when the clouds are Super puffy. why? because they remind me of perfect marshmallows for s'mores. yummmyyy.

back from the trip, i have oodles of images to creatively arrange.

another story in motion. sweet dreams world. :)

thought of the day: windy run

2011-11-01T23:21:00.001-04:00

tonight i went running with my friend jen... who runs marathons. i mean really r, Wwwwwwhat were you thinking?! i've been running a couple times a week for the last few months, but my 30 min Jogging is not really to be compared to her pre-marathon training. mind you, the spread of time between when i used to run cross country & now seems to be approaching infinite. as we pounded the pavement along flagler (running trail in WPB), the wind was glorious & my music was loud. i remembered why i used to love to run so much. i was much better trained then - i would run without music through trails in suburban philadelphia listening to the sounds of the outdoors. embedding character with each (breathless!) step, foot steps became beats... and singing birds, raindrops plinking, leaves ruffling to the ground... all these sounds somehow turned into musical notes.

we finished up running out to the end of the pier & it was rocking with the gusts. i took off my shoes & started doing goofy yoga stretches. i laughed as i nearly toppled off the edge trying to keep my balance. i took in the gusty sea air & was very glad for the moment.

the anecdote

2011-10-31T23:21:00.004-04:00

i was thinking about the redemption story... about getting from here to there... about relationships, decisions, living fully & well... about how the God of Jesus can wreck our categories & renew us in the process.

i was reading about the samaritan woman by the well that Jesus meets in john chapter 4. samaritan & jewish people did not engage with one another (additionally, a woman would not converse with a man). but Jesus, a jewish man, engages with this samaritan woman who did not have such a good story. i thought for a while about this woman. i thought about her life, about what shape her heart must have been in when she encounters Jesus. & then i thought about the way she must have been met at her deepest, most raw point of need: Jesus knew the facts about her life & loved her anyway. he saw her. i thought about how this affected her future. in a broken world, unconditional love changes us. pride makes us artifical & humility makes us real. transparent honesty heals the soul. truth erodes darkness... falseness fades. becomming happens.

brennan manning is an author who understands the perplexing human condition. he also articulates well the freedom that comes with understanding our identity.

"a great weakness is our refusal to accept our brokenness. we hide it, evade it, gloss over it. we grab for the cosmetic kit & put on our virtuous face to make ourselves admirable to the public. thus, we present to others a self that is spiritually together, superficially happy & lacquered with a sense of self-deprecating humor that passes for humility. defense mechanisms are useful ploys to warp our perception of self & protect us from rejection, loss & emotional pain. through the smoke screen of rationalization, projection & insulation, we remain on the merry-go-round of denial & dishonesty. unable to accept our brokenness, we wear a thousand masks to disguise the face of fear..."

"raw honesty with Jesus about our doubts & anxieties, our shabby prayer life & stale religiosity, our mixed motives & divided hearts is the risk we take in the certainty of being acceptable & accepted. it is the full & mature expression of invincible trust. Jesus is the friend who will never fail, the faithful one who will never be lacking in fidelity, even when people are unfaithful to him, the stranger to self-hatred who estranges us from self-hatred. trust, grounded in faith & hope, reaches an unprecedented level in the experience of infinite love. we are made of that which is too big for us. we are made for God, & nothing less will ever satisfy us."

“the way of trust is a movement into obscurity, into the undefined, into ambiguity, not into some predetermined, clearly delineated plan for the future. the next step discloses itself only out of a discernment of God acting in the desert of the present moment..”

and so the strength in life comes in the strain. i have today. i have the lessons of the past. & i want to live today bravely, unencombered. we know when we know. & i want courage to live what i know.

that puts a gigantic, hopeful, knowing smile across my face. life is not meant to be safe. calculated risk fosters the true & deep work of the heart.

a mix tape: ideas about love

2011-10-21T01:02:00.022-04:00

even though i'm not very good at it, i really enjoy to sing. what beats an old fashioned night of prancing around the good ol' A-P-T singing?! or better yet, a windows down drive... music moves me. it unfolds... it can shine light into places words have not yet discovered. a musician sharing a song takes a risk - they never know where or when the music may truly take hold.

i am always compiling different playlists. there are mixes for late night art creating, road trips, glee, loss, questions, being still, being loud... even dishwashing. :) life is a soundtrack. here's a recent mix i titled ideas about love.

when the time is right by griffin house. fears aside, when the time is right, don't hold back.
looks like love by need to breathe. our hearts can only shake when there's room for them to break. i think love frees, and has a powerful capacity to heal. the breeze can only be, when she overcomes the heat. i am convinced that the morning is all the brighter after the darkest of nights. hope is not lost, for the future can outgrow the past.
come around by rosi golan. i just adore this song. her voice has whimsical soul. come around, come around to me... there's something in between you & i... you feel like breathing? to be truly seen makes us safe & free... we want to be around that kind of air.
texas by the damnwells. you just steal my broken faith & put it back together… this song reminds me a road trip i want to take. the windows are down. the music is loud but no words are needed. knowing smiles & peaceful hearts. love is powerful healing.
i will keep the bad things from you by the damnwells. fries with steak sauce. quirky humor & real life. love it.
hazy (feat. william fitzsimmons) by rosi golan. if i fall & hurt myself, would you know how to fix me? putting your life in the hands of another flawed human with hope for unconditional grace. love is will & it is emotion. when you are matched up with the right someone, there is nothing like knowing someone is there to catch you when you fall.
i have and always will by dave barnes. in your darkest hour, i'll love you still. i believe in the intimacy of marriage as a sacred union. i think that is why the choice is so important.
i can't get you out of my mind by matthew perryman jones. you walked into the fray where you remain.
almost lover (remix edit) by a fine frenzy. the tension of almosts! we must be wise enough to know the difference between red flags (run away) & true steps of faith (go for it!)... & then be brave enough to act.
she is love by parachute. she makes me want to believe... there is something that love does one for the other... true love changes everyone involved from the inside out.
addictive to love by florence + the machine. we are.
brand new day by joshua radin. most kinds of stories save the best parts for last. make your past your past.
the luckiest by ben folds. this song makes me smile. it reminds me of 2 very old people sitting on a park bench with glowing eyes & wrinkles from a life lived well.
the guy that says goodbye to you is out of his mind by griffin house. once upon a time i became friends with this boy. one day we were talking about npr or skateboards or books & he started smiling widely. me: "why are you smiling?!" i remember thinking it was odd that our current events banter would illicit such a grin. his blueish eyes got big & serious. he paused, & said: "regina, i cannot imagine any guy getting to know you & wanting to be with anyone else when he could be with you." when i first heard this quirky song, it immediately made me think of him. i don't have a grand self perception & his words came so unsolicited & out of the blue, that of all the kind words people have given to me in my life, these made me smile for a very, Very, very long time. :)
what are we waiting for by amiina. dreamy.

autumn glee

2011-09-30T11:09:00.001-04:00

autumn is in the air & i cannot stop grinning. it is my Most Favorite time of the year. i always think of albert camus who said: autumn is a second spring where every leaf is a flower. yesterday afternoon i traipsed all around historic kennett square. the light was just right, the air was cool & clean... and i found some leaves beginning to turn as they swirled about. so i stood back for a moment & took pause in the seemingly simplistic.

everyday is this opportunity to become just a little more, standing in the tension of this beautiful mess. you cannot recycle time. i look around the world every single day & i cannot wait to dive into it. while there is this awe, there is also a responsibility that comes with awareness. exhaust the moment, soon it dies & be it gash or gold it will not come again in this identical guise. (gwendolyn brooks)

yesterday i was on a flight & there was a young boy sitting with his family. he had an adorable, precocious little voice as he narrated our departure. as we went wheels up, he cried out, "annnndddllllliiifffffftttt offff!" i giggled from a few rows away & hoped that he keeps this upbeat spirit as he grows up, engaging in a world that needs more of this raw, unfiltered genuineness. we hit some weather on the decent, so we had to circle for quite a while as they re-routed all incoming flights to a single runway. the little guy was precious. when we were able to see land, he caught glimpse of a ball park & said with excited glee: "what if someone was on a parachute AND they landed on the ball field AAAAAND it was during a game???!!!!"

a photography documentary: bill cunningham new york

2011-09-17T16:01:00.011-04:00

this week i watched a photo documentary on editorial photographer bill cunningham. the ny times wrote a well done summary of the heart behind the film here.

the times article describes his work as "animated not only by a refined eye but also by a worldview." i think this is particularly special because it shows his depth to engage in the world he captures. his (quirky) dedication struck me most. in an instant, my insides sparked when i observed the story of his life. i think it is always inspiring to spend time around any kind of artist & take in the way they process the world. particularly in bill cunningham's case, he is not a man of shortcuts. he offers a simplistic depth which i long for more of in my own generation.

the film inspired me to keep creating & discovering, & to be faithful in the small & the quiet. his photo at left is from the film's website.

thought of the day: courage

2011-09-12T07:32:00.013-04:00

as i was walking on the treadmill last night, tears beginning to stream down my face as i watched a little boy talk about his firefighter dad running into the one of the towers on september 11, 2001. yesterday was a rush of emotion recalling & remembering. as i was walking, i realized what any kind of history does for us - it helps us put our current state, & so therefore our future, into grave, heartfelt & honest context.

on that day, & every day, there is a serious call to live audaciously.

i thought about my life & the lives of the people around me. i thought about the difference between mediocrity & really leaping, every single day. i made a couple of vows last night on the treadmill. courage spurs courage.

last eve after the treadmill, i spent some time talking on the phone to a gal who, over the years, has become a big sis & a mentor to me. her wise voice in my life is always full of hope & compassion, all challenges somehow laced with encouragement. i was talking to her about some "stuff" & she said to me, "regina, you cannot make or not make choices solely because of everyone else. every time i have needed to make a hard decision, i knew it was a right choice. & if i didn't do what was right in my heart, difficult as it may be at first, i have always regretted it." in plain words, i think she was saying: do not make a choice that will kill your heart to save face.

i thought about this for a while. i don't care to twist any grand sentiment to fit into my story. i wanted to objectively apply what she was saying... i have generally taken the path less traveled, & it has always been the most life giving. i suppose in some cases one thing must end so the right one is able to begin. that transition is not always extremely easy. so i do think the right thing & the hard thing are often the same. what, in the moment, may seem to be killing us, actually saves us in the end. i think it must be one of the great paradoxes of the good life: the strength somehow comes in the strain.

making a choice is difficult when there are other people involved, but ultimately i realize you cannot make decisions just for the masses - it will leave you more stodgy & stale as time passes. in the court of popular opinion, we are often judged on segments of information, & not the entire story. but ultimately, when our head hits the pillow at night, we do not answer to the masses.

and so, i realize anew that a deep life costs something. but i think what it yields is infinitely more than we could hope or imagine. glee. it's a beautiful mess. i sat last night at my wood table eating dinner watching the sunlight slip away thinking about all of these things. i smiled. here's to leaping. over & over again.

an earthquake, hurricane & a wedding

2011-08-28T08:29:00.009-04:00

my sister was due to get married today, but she & her fiancé had to postpone a day due the safety of their guests. there is flooding, down trees & widespread power outages as the hurricane presses north...

what an interesting week in the northeast! earlier in the week, we felt the shaking of an earthquake which thankfully was a virtual non event in terms of human safety... and last night we were all bunkered down in the phila burbs to stay safe from hurricane irene & tornados. it has been a week of flexibility & changing plans. there has been moments of sheer laughter & others of disbelief that we will remember for a lifetime.

the storm is huge in span! we keep teasing how she is Not invited to the wedding! i love the opportunity to trust & i know the wedding will be a very special affair tomorrow evening. ringing out in philadelphia!

summer haze

2011-08-21T06:40:00.010-04:00

the summer is drawing to a close. with a full heart (and sweaty brow), i am rejuvenated & looking so forward to the autumn time... my favorite. after months of travel & weekend adventures, i made the challenge to glue my feet to the ground for the last month & stay put in sofla. i disconnected a bit and chose to be present in the moment & simply be still. as a creative person, there is something to letting ideas marinate a bit before sharing. some discoveries are worth mulling over & resting upon before releasing them out to the world.

dusk and summer. most evenings i took long, hazy walks leaving cell phone rings behind as i wandered & wondered. stillness is revealing.

i know most would not associate summer in south florida with being refreshed, but i got still & this was a special summer for me personally. we all have these pile of moments we collect as the years pass... dear moments that are framed in our memory... there were a good deal of those this summer & i am so grateful for them. in a world with a harried pace, it is good medicine to take a moment from our habits. i am a free spirit... i don't want to be dependent to a specific lifestyle or way of doing anything... i want to be open handed & nimble, controlled only by hope & faith. at first my evening strolls were a downshift. coming off a really exciting bunch of months of travel, i had gotten used to the cities i visited. back in sofla, i challenged myself to have the same eyes of discovery. childlike wonder. i truly believe there is much miraculous in the common. grinning, there is a little more courage under the surface as i continue to look forward. onwards & upwards...

thought of the day: the light will come

2011-08-08T06:50:00.000-04:00

there are moments in the dark when you believe the light is out there, though it cannot be made out from any vantage point. you wait for the morning to come. there are moments when it seems like time is frozen. there is a stillness, a long, intense quiet that beckons only patience.

there is opportunity for miracles in the dark. one of two things happen. we can be offended by our circumstances & question why. or we can rest, broken, & let the healing come. there is the chance for a surreal kind of communion in the dark with a God who sees. to be honest, it is a terribly scary place at times, for this dark night of the soul requires getting a little lost in order to be truly found. it is a kind of engaging that at first seems to slaughter, but ends in renewal. there is the sweetest communion in the deepest anguish.

a weary but resolutely hopeful heart crawls to the foot of the cross knowing there is opportunity to trust in a deeper way. there are severe moments of ache. and so we get a bit into the dark places & turn back prematurely. be it fear, pride or pain that we are protecting, the only way out is completely through.

the light does come. there is a depth of freedom & peace that truly surpasses understanding & circumstance. the kindness of God has overwhelmed the darkest hour. it is finished.

on the street

2011-07-28T06:52:00.014-04:00

i walk to & from work, the grocery store and the local shopping area as much as possible, so it is not uncommon for me to be approached for money on the street. most of the people i meet are not interested in the help or meal i always offer. sad but true, when they realize i am not going to give money, they walk off, desperately looking to feed their addiction. i have been left more times than i can count standing helpless on the sidewalk wishing the trap of addiction would loosen its noose.

yesterday i was carrying a box of gumballs home from work which is really kind of just funny but so me. it was a typical steamy early evening. i was having a friend over for dinner & i was thinking how i should run to the market & grab a baguette for the stew i had prepared. i was lost in thought. earlier that day i was talking to another old soul about living fully. he shared that after recently attending a wake, he was again reminded that life is for the living – especially to be free in the the silly & whimsical, unencumbered by external opinions or judgment. i love that. i think that kind of freedom says a lot about who someone is & what they value.

i generally skip to my own beat, but more than ever, i feel a deep sense of freedom of knowing who i am. peace is not a condition of circumstance, but a solace of the soul. we have such little time to say & do the things we really mean. calculated risk fosters the true & deep work of the heart. i want to live with that kind of audacity.

enter deborah.

life is ironic like that sometimes. here i am floating down the street with gumballs, trying very hard to embrace the heat & thinking about baguettes & life when i am confronted with someone else’s story of real life.

the woman is tattered as she comes up to me on her bike & i can tell she has been exposed to the elements when she asks me if i will help her get what is on her list. initially she was quite scattered in her approach, so i was unsure exactly what she wanted. after talking with her a while, i realized her scattered pleas for help was just desperation. i wondered how many other people she had already asked that day.

her eyes was worn yet lucid & i made a judgment call that she was not on drugs. she finally articulated that she needed food & had no money for groceries. i told her that i did not have cash on me, but that i would take her to the grocery store. she stood there for a few seconds & just stared at me processing if i was really serious. it felt like a long time that we went back & forth. i told her i had to put my box down, but that i lived close. she offered to put my box in the little basket she had makeshift tied to the back of her bike that held her belongings. i do not think she believed i was going to really come back to meet her. i looked her in the eye & said i would take her to the grocery store but that i just needed to set this down. i pointed to the street corner next to my apartment & told her i would meet her there. she said, “really”? i said, “yes”.

when i came back to the street corner she grinned in a way that i can hardly describe. i walked briskly next to her & she peddled slowly. we talked about florida & pennsylvania. she is originally from a town a few hours from where i grew up. in different generations, we went to the same amusement park as kids. she said her grandparents took her. she started to brighten a bit & i was thankful that our chat was humanizing her. she is incredibly soft spoken. we walked through the local shopping plaza towards the grocery store. she tied up her bike & i got us a cart. once inside, she would ask me over & over if she could get something. i always tried to make her feel human. regardless of what happened that got her here, she had tiny sparks of life in her eyes which made me hopeful that these small touches of kindness would brighten that spark.

after a bit, she began pushing the cart. it all unfolded very naturally. she said she was really thirsty for a bottle of water so we got her one. i chatted with her about cooking & she started to smile more & more. i started to get concerned that she felt this was the only food she would have for a while because she chose multiples of many of the items. i told her that we could come back. she paused but did not say anything. she said she would be able to fit it on her bike. she said it was a 15 minute bike ride to where she was staying.

she smelled rather sullied & i asked her if she needed any new personal items. i could tell she felt disbelief & gratefulness. we picked out a toothbrush & bonded over all natural toothpaste.

i chatted with paula the checkout lady & gene the bagger, whose wild jamacian persona made her giggle as we teased. deborah & i got out to her bike with a pile of bags. i did not push back in the store as she added more & more items to the cart even though i wondered how on earth all these cans of tuna & bags of fruit were going to fit in the tiny crate on her bike. we shoved food together like a puzzle & as i giggled tying bags to the makeshift basket, i told her i felt like i was at camp again. she laughed hard & then looked at me & stilled herself. very quietly she said, “you are a delight”. in my head i thought, i am a goofball who believes wildly in redemption stories.

she held out a bag full of saltine crackers & an orange crush. she said it was given to her but she cannot have the sugar in soda. i took them from her & left them on the bench.

i gave her my phone number & told her i would help her if she wanted it. we made a plan to meet a week from then. i have made that kind of arrangement with a number of people & it has been the exception that she/he will show up again. so we’ll see.

she peddled off after we chatted some about life & hope. i called my friend who was about to arrive to my apartment & said i was on my way. as i was ending the call i looked up and saw this tattered woman raising her head to me driving her bike through the intersection with bags tied to every part of her bike. she was about 100 yards away & she beamed at me. i smiled widely at her and i waved my arm high & quickly as the cars buzzed between us. i stood there at the corner & watched her drive away hoping potholes & crazy drivers would be far from her.

i hope that she shares her story with me. i hope she is brave enough to reach out for help. i think we all have a deeply breathtaking redemption story. the question for all of us is if we will go to the honest place in our hearts of brokenness.

in the midst of her pain i do know that she has the spark of hope. and hope often truly begins in the dark. whether or not i am just a meal ticket, grace can be scarce... and in a broken world, i am convinced it is unconditional love that truly changes us. i admire her honest tenacity & i hope we can meet again.

running and the rain

2011-07-19T23:32:00.001-04:00

i used to run cross country (which was psychotic of me). while it was incredibly difficult, it burnt so much energy & built emotional & physical stamina. lately i've been running once a week & tonight when i headed out it started to lightly drizzle. i absolutely adore the rain. i think it's dreamy & healing, sometimes melancholy & always enchanting.

when i started out running it was clear, but that means quite little in south florida in the summertime. i had my ipod singing in my ears & i was bouncing down the sidewalk when the drizzle drops started. it felt so good because it was about 10 thousand degrees out. so i ran a couple of miles in the rain & it was the most glorious thing. at one stretch the Lovely Drizzle turned into a Gum Ball Deluge. i was smiling ear to ear.

tonight i went to see a movie about paris & the film started with one of the characters decidedly saying that walking in the rain in paris is just the best. i sat there & smiled & dreamed about walking down cobblestone streets in the 20's with a parapluie & an armful of books.

summer fare

2011-07-11T23:53:00.003-04:00

this summer has been exceptionally hot in south florida. i have my spf900 & my shades to keep my fair skin & freckles in tact as is.

last night i took one of my walks all over the island (palm beach) & the steamy air was one therapeutic facial. i don't mind the steam as much as i mind the sharp sun rays. there is something sleepy & charming about the island in summer time. it is quiet & still & despite the heat, it's become one of my most treasured times of year b/c of that quiet stillness. i love heading out to the beach late in the day & sticking my toes in the ocean. warm & soothing, it is relaxing and makes me ready for sleep! ah, dusk & summertime.

summer fare must be light and refreshing. i hate feeling full in the heat. recently my sis & i had a few days together up north outside of philadelphia to take long walks, finish her wedding plans & have some overall R&R.

we ended up cooking a lot together. we stood around the kitchen chopping vegetables while enjoying crisp, icy cold rosé & laughing, our faces full of that dewy, rosy glow of summer (aka perspiration)! we set out one morning to the local farmer's market where we loaded up on fresh legumes for a summer bbq.

our fare:

sautéed corn
spinach & cucumber salad w/ haricots verts topped w/ shaved sharp cheddar
bbq chicken on the grill
summer yellow squash & zucchini w/ sauteed onions & garlic 
al dente pasta with lemon zest, fresh lemon juice, tomatoes & shredded parmesan

for dessert we grilled peaches. to prepare, cut each peach in half, de-pit & lay each half face down on the grill. we served them with a dollop of coffee ice cream.

bon appétit!

bocce

2011-07-06T18:15:00.000-04:00

bocce is a summertime tradition in my family. i am heading home tomorrow for a long weekend for my sister's wedding shower & i am sure my dad will show us (once again) his special throw... we will swat off the gnats, run around barefoot in the grass complementing my dad's backyard & giggle about the names of my mom's rose bushes. sweet summertime.

sweet books

2011-07-05T23:07:00.001-04:00

so i found these endearing books by louis cannizzaro. i love the way a book feels in my hands & i'm forever picking them up in stores & paging through. when i leafed through these, i started to smile. he reminds me of the way i think. i found great inspiration & hope for love in his endearing sentences about loving someone in the small moments of real life - for their quirks & uniqueness. i imagine love just like this. they are fun to read aloud.

old man on sea wall

2011-07-03T23:33:00.003-04:00

today i was exercising by the intracoastal & there was an old man sitting on the sea wall at the most southern end.

the old man had his head down & he was sitting all alone. i had my earphones in & i looked directly at him to say hello, but he kept his head down. on the way back he still had his head low but i saw his finger moving. i wondered about his life. was his wife gone? he had a distant look about him. somehow i understood his expression. he was peaceful, but there was something in him that knew life was bigger than this moment he found himself. he had a patient ease. he was probably around 80 - i so admire his hard working & diligent generation.

i continued on & my eyes got a bit moist thinking about this humble, strong old man. on the next go around he had started hobbling down the path. i wondered if it was okay for him to be out there all by himself. when we passed each other i paused a bit & i smiled widely. he seemed almost shy at first & then knowingly grinned. he had kind eyes.

there is something to human interaction. it has great power to make our steps skip & lighten our heart.

thought of the day: rest

2011-06-26T22:53:00.000-04:00

today was best sunday i can remember in a long time. a sweet kind of peace poured out. where there is great solace there is rest.

"you do not need to know precisely what is happening, or exactly where it is all going. what you need is to recognize the possibilities & challenges offered by the present moment, & to embrace them with courage, faith & hope." -thomas merton

thought of the day: exit strategy

2011-06-13T22:05:00.008-04:00

i've been thinking about the heart & it's capacity to love, hope, heal, wound, hide, displace... it seems we can twist & twirl the story however it best suits. but at the end of the road, when i look out, what i want to see back is honesty. i don't care how ugly it is, for there is nothing more powerful than humility, hope & love. while dashing & wrapping is swell in the moment, what is beyond that? i suppose you can believe in a story you don't yet know. the passion seems to be in the risk.

when the time is right by: griffin house

it can be a real long road, it can be a lonely night
when you're on your own, and you're running out of light
it can be a real long ride, when your running out of time

so when the time is right, don't hold back
when the time is right, don't hold back

doesn't matter who you are, doesn't matter where you've been
doesn't matter where you start, only matters where you end

it can be a real long road, when i'm looking in your eyes
give me just one more chance, give me just one more try

when the time is right, don't hold back
when the time is right, don't hold back

doesn't matter who you are, doesn't matter where you've been
doesn't matter where you start, only matters where you end

looks like love by: need to breathe

take another step, don't give up on me just yet
we could take a chance, we could find a child's romance
at least we'd love until we can't

i won't run when it looks like love, i won't hide beneath the fear
of how my past has come undone

the breeze can only be, when she overcomes the heat
our hearts can only shake, when there's risk that they could break
yeah it's a chance that i will take

fragile flower

2011-06-12T20:18:00.003-04:00

there is something mysterious about how a flower blooms. it is something extraordinary & patient. delicate & yet really quite strong.

in the beginning

by dylan thomas

in the beginning was the three pointed star,

one smile of light across the empty face,

one bough of bone across the rooting air,

the substance forked that marrowed the first sun,

and, burning ciphers on the round of space,

heaven and hell mixed as they spun.

in the beginning was the pale signature,

three-syllabled and starry as the smile,

and after came the imprints on the water,

stamp of the minted face upon the moon;

the blood that touched the crosstree and the grail

touched the first cloud and left a sign.

in the beginning was the mounting fire

that set alight the weathers from a spark,

a three-eyed, red-eyed spark, blunt as a flower,

life rose and spouted from the rolling seas,

burst in the roots, pumped from the earth and rock

the secret oils that drive the grass.

in the beginning was the word, the word

that from the solid bases of the light

abstracted all the letters of the void;

and from the cloudy bases of the breath

the word flowed up, translating to the heart

first characters of birth and death.

in the beginning was the secret brain.

the brain was celled and soldered in the thought

before the pitch was forking to a sun;

before the veins were shaking in their sieve,

blood shot and scattered to the winds of light

the ribbed original of love.

spotted: c + r

2011-06-04T22:09:00.001-04:00

my sister & i have grown up playing together, laughing & making up so many creative stories as kids. i always loved when C would clean out my dad's whole shed & pretend we lived on a farm. "get the cattle in," she would yell & we would run around preparing for the storm like little house on the prairie. what imaginations we had!

on the way home from a trip recently, i made a stop in philadelphia to spend some quality time with my sis, who is also a lovely bride to be & needed some relaxing sis time. from the moment her mini cooper blasted up to the curb at the airport, my giggles started. she comes flying out of the car... "no one can drive in these terminals...!! come on r, hurry, i need a latté! love your shoes, you look soooo good, do i have that scarf?!"

we zipped (& i mean Zipped), out of the terminal at PHL & raced (& i mean Raced) down i95 into town to do a little walking & talking in charming rittenhouse square before heading back out to the burbs to surprise our p's with my arrival. we sat outside at parc, at one of our favorite philadelphia eateries, & chatted & laughed in a Glorious spring day in pa. there was a celeb at a nearby table & C decided to eyeball stalk her. me: "C, let her eat. it's a faux pas to interrupt someone at a restaurant - she is just a person, let her be!" my sis: "well, people interrupt me while i eat....!" i just shake my head & we giggle knowing she's only half kidding.

we strolled over a block to anthropologie (we love the walnut street store - oodles of creativity) & tried on polka dot shorts in the same really big, made for sisters fitting room we always get when we go there together. we inevitably gravitate towards the same threads, so when we checked out with 2 pairs of teal polka dot shorts, we just laughed. traditions! i found this saying (at right) on the bottom of a plate in the store & i love it. it reminds me so much of how i like to wake up each day & live.

i made her laugh & lighten up given the 5 million decisions she has to make for her upcoming nuptials. she is handing so many people, decisions & to-do's with extraordinary grace... & a few needed & noteworthy meltdowns. the other day when she breathlessly announced, "i am so stressed, my colon is in a rump," i nearly fell down laughing! where does she come up with this?!

the other polaroids are from us driving around philadelphia. C was emailing someone about something trés important, i assure you. she is an amazing city driver. this little lady knows every back way possible around philadelphia & her mini cooper (simply "mini" to the fam) fits the bill. after picking me up, she was anxious to get to parc for their frites. literally as she zigged & zagged through about 3 cars around a corner & started to accelerate on the open road she goes, "see R, this is how it's done...!"

i giggle & calmly say, "C, but this light is red...!" meanwhile we are Mid Intersection!!!! she yelped & her fiancé is still having a field day with this incident!!! music blaring & windows down, we giggled even more. thankfully we didn't die or get a ticket. oh the irony of it all. thankful for fun & zany days. they are good memories to recollect on the not so fun ones!

libraries

2011-05-18T22:53:00.021-04:00

one of my favorite places is a library. la bibliothèque. there is the intrigue of knowledge. ideas unhushing from the conscious.

i remember walking around my elementary school library in my khaki skirt & keds looking at vibrant covers with inventive titles. i liked to pull the books out half way to see the shapes of letters on the jacket sleeves.

my shots just below were taken in the atheneum - a new england library on nantucket. so glad libraries like this one exist. i especially like the old time stools used to get books on the high shelves... & (shhhh!), fun to slide around on too!

while purusing the shelves this day, i came across a favorite artist.

alfred stieglitz is a photographer whose work has inspired me.

i am particularly fond of his 1893 shot titled: winter on fifth avenue (his image, at left).

icy night is also a favorite.

i feel movement & life when i look into stieglitz's images.

one of my most sincere passions about shooting photography is capturing honest imagery.

composition is a piece of that, but moreover, what emotion does it stir?

i look into stieglitz's work (motion), vs. at it (flat).

stieglitz captures life.
& in his documentation i am stirred in the midst of a story.

spring on nantucket

2011-05-15T18:43:00.009-04:00

a spring day on nantucket. padding down cobblestone streets, wind swirling & light twinkling. creation is waking from winter slumber. i'm awed by the sounds & smells of spring. the intricacy of a new bloom. life from death. miracles all around.

// it was one of those march days when the sun shines hot & the wind blows cold: when it is summer in the light, & winter in the shade. // charles dickens //

thought of the day: power

2011-05-14T07:29:00.019-04:00

i cannot stop reading about the fallout of the billionaire investor from the galleon group. this greed, power & fraud case highlights so much more than jail time & a guilty conviction - it highlights a very serious cultural problem of being star struck with power.

if you look at the source of any betrayal or manipulation, it often results from power being encroached upon. as humans, we have a tendency to find intrinsic value in what we do, how we look, our hobbies, our unique creativities, the good we do, roles as moms, dads, husbands, wives… while these attributes are unique to us & are not inherently bad, what has toxic propensity is when we place great sums of who we are in them. i have come to realize that power driven people ardently protect their false identity as a defining lifeline. its loss or infringement becomes non-negotiable. as broken people, sometimes we will mow over our values in order to keep this lifeline.

scheme & cover (as they did for years in the case of galleon), & eventually the lacking sustainability of that model will show. truth always (eventually) surfaces). greed & fraud are not a problem with laws. it is an intrinsic cultural problem. so long as power is worshiped by a society, there will exist a skewed view of what is ultimately valuable to healthy human growth & development.

question leaders respectfully.

here’s the problem with that: as little individuals we want power too. red flags we see, but we want to protect our own little territories… so we don’t push the envelope. the galleon case did not happen by one man thieving singularly. yes, he manipulated, but many people also were more interested with being rich, popular & prominent. we often think that 1 person can't change something... but our individual lives count. many people standing up for what is right is powerful! this requires a degree of bravery, courage & sacrifice.

while the financial markets are interlaced with behavior so far below noble, it really points to a society that is more concerned with the veneer of life than what is behind it. what is our trending character? what kind of people are we at the core? we need our consciousness sparked.

i don’t want to be the kind of person that collects power & uses it against the greater good. i don’t want to be the kind of person that gets so caught up in my own story that i completely lose sight of what is being crushed below foot.

there is a better way.

pride make us artificial & humility makes us real.

on power: it is marvelous but dangerous. exhibited in truth, it is honest, liberating & life-giving. misused, it is destructive, deceitful & crippling.

how do you use yours?

a sconset bike ride

2011-05-04T13:34:00.012-04:00

yesterday i set out on a bike ride on nantucket. the island is just waking up from its winter hibernation + the air is still very cool. it smells clean + fresh... i am in love with the sounds + smells.

we biked from cliff road through town, out to polpis road where the bike trail to sconset begins. birds chirped their tunes + with the wind whipping, my fingers were chilled, cheeks ruddy + hair all wispy by the time we made it out to the tip of the island. what a glorious ride.

the absence of the buzz of industrialization is a welcomed break for the soul. sometimes my life gets really busy + it is truly enchanting to just be still + soak in the quiet. how peaceful is the bellow of nature.

all in all, we biked about 4 hours! needless to say my legs feel like linguini today. we did stop a bit as i shot a bunch of amazing moments all over this sleepy beach enclave. i can't wait to share them! dreamy + historical, this is one of those places that truly gets under your skin.

below was my bike path... follow it + enjoy! find places along the way that move you as the wind whips + whirls. we took milestone road back to complete our peddling adventure.

it's not open just yet, but a stop for lunch at the chanticleer is a quaint + tasty spot. or check out the sconset market for a snack or picnic.

thought of the day: whimsical

2011-05-02T10:24:00.003-04:00

there is something to the whimsical.

there is something to silliness.

ha.

it is the small things.

that really are not so small...

it is the tiny whimsical moments when all strung together make for audacious living.

when imagination swirls, creativity abounds.

here's to dreaming a bit today...

to being present in the moment we find ourselves...

to noticing.

may all of our noticing turning to marveling...

and our marveling, Hope.

what's under your carpet?

2011-04-28T16:24:00.013-04:00

yesterday i heard two authors discuss their newly released book project titled veneer. its goal is to inspire character + depth in a world focused on the hype of the exterior.

our society places higher value on how things look than how they actually are... so long as the outside communicates what the social norm deems attractive (wealth, doing social good, education, sex appeal, career, car, etc.), less regard is paid to the scars & train wreck often just beneath the shiny surface. as a creative person i value truth in beauty... but as flawed people, the exterior has become a god of sorts & in managing perception, in managing just the right amount of transparency that makes us cool but not vulnerable, we end up empty managing a false beauty that eventually wears us into a false self altogether.

today i am reminded that you can't seek to truly de-veneer something else unless you de-veneer yourself.

this is not saying that we have to be absolutely perfect to do anything. i am saying we have to stop trying to collect power in false identity.

i am thankful for the hope of identity in Jesus Christ that provides a healing way. it will renew rather than cover. chip as it will, we may still try & paint coats over our broken hearts, touching up repeatedly. stop. in a broken world, there is a God who sees us completely & loves us entirely.

looking forward to digging into this book... check it out with me!

photoshoot: didi + anna

2011-03-28T06:48:00.001-04:00

year 2! we are documenting a life story year over year as didi is making a creative photoshoot an annual event with her very fun & precocious daughter anna. i have so much fun taking photos of these two very special people. more to come!

death by yoga

2011-03-25T06:44:00.018-04:00

bikram yoga for most average people (like me) is a death defying exercise set of 26 arduous flexibility & strength fostering poses. for the super human, these poses seem to be as comfortable as i am with pepperoni pizza. i found out about bikram yoga a little over a year ago. my good friend otilia said, "regina, you Have to try this". you don't know otilia but she is highly convincing. she went into this long story about the health benefits of the "heat". stop. code red. heat? she goes on to tell me that these 26 poses are done over 90 minutes (that's right, Ninety) in a Heated room. serious?!

let me just say at the onset that i Love being healthy. it's actually common nature for me to cook from scratch & buy fresh. when it comes to exercise, i was tennis team captain, i love long walks and hikes & even used to run cross country because it created dilignce in me (totally Ridiculous, but it is true). i'm not afraid of a little hard work. but i have to say, my european ancestry kicks in when it comes to the gym or organized workouts. i like to get my steps in by walking naturally... like parking my car far & walking into the store or taking long strolls with friends. i Completely Abhor the gym in the sense that it is this place where people wear crazy outfits & pump weights. but i'm a girl, so maybe this is appealing to boys. i don't get why you would go inside to Sweaty Grossness when you could be in the beauiful outdoors with forests & trees. plus (nerd alert), to me, so much of who you are is on the inside - our obession with the exterior is nuts. i mean, eat in moderation, walk or swim to keep your heart healthy & then go live life! there must be joie de vivre! i personally try to lift my tomato sauce cans like weights when i unpack them from my grocery sac. :) anyhow, i digress. all this to say, Clearly you see that i'm not into step aerobics. not that i have anything against it At All - i just a) get so bored inside & b) let's not forget despite my often ladylike appearance, i am quite frankly a Grade A Klutz.

but over a year ago my dear, sweet, precious friend convinced to join her at bikram yoga. death. all i wanted to do the first time was make it through the class without throwing up or fainting. meanwhile, these other people are in Controlled Synchrony that to me seemed paralleled Only by cirque de soliel. my arms & legs were flailing like rubber bands. during one of the poses i imagined that if i lost my grip, my leg was going to kick out so fast i might wallop the person next to me & thereby take down the whole class by a domino effect. i started giggling. see, your mind is Also supposed to relax as well during class. whoops.

i am not very flexible. well, that is an understatement actually. i still remember the good old "V sit & reach" of the "presidential physical fitness test" they make all american kids do in elementary school. i was in the negative. i remember my grade school friend got something like +14. fail.

needless to say, i made it through that first bikram yoga class. here's the Oh So Surprising thing: the heat actually helped me be able to stretch! i mean, Genius! my friend otilia was right (she almost always is actually). this class is death by yoga, but honestly makes you feel like nothing else after that 90 minutes is up. but get ready for Crazy-town, because these classes are full of people who take it Way More Seriously than my simple desire for positive health benefits.

here are 3 simple tips: (1) be sure not to get behind any vegetarians in class. it's not polite to say, but that flatulence is Dreadful in a heated room!!! G-R-O-S-S. i have been in some pretty dirty conditions in my life, & nothing is as Nastified as the smell in this class. one day otilia & i were laying on our mats & we had to cover our faces (decorum is expected) b/c we couldn't handle it anymore! (2) go to the less populated classes. it's less intimidating & gives you more room to flail your limbs if you are as uncoordinated as me. we have a favorite teacher & she always laughs when she sees us flying into class. we are the least conventional (just most comical) compared to most bikram peeps so i don't think they know what to make of us exactly. (3) go with a friend. one day a guy fell into the wall doing tree pose. the thud he made into the side wall made us burst into giggles & wasted about 20 minutes of distraction! also, when you want to cancel, yoga buddy drags you. what is Highly Problematic is when you Both decide to bail on the same night. can we say Take Out??! :)

thought of the day: friendship

2011-03-24T23:53:00.008-04:00

i am convinced that by engaging deeply (especially when it is tough & exhausting), we grow onwards & upwards in maturity, joy & peace. i think true community is created from vulnerability. i want to be the kind of friend who is present at all times. as we stand alongside each other in true honesty, we celebrate on the mountaintops & we also brave the valley - together. & both with eternity in mind.

there are a few friends i celebrate as they have supported my creativity in ways i could not have ever imagined or asked. their unconditional friendship in my life has made a difference in me. we have seen each other through life not only when it is full of cupcakes & lollipops, but also when life has been exhausting & dark..... and in life, there are both. the amount of years that are beginning to pile up b/w us make me sure that we will be drinking coffee and talking about books & life for many years to come. i know that wherever life takes us, our friendship is tried & true. thank you So very much for encouraging me to explore all that God has put inside of me. (p.s. this is not an exclusive list!!!! just a very dear thank you & public dedication as i launch my website & some other art endeavors to a few friends who have helped me "jump" over & over again).

jen. i love our walks & café breakfasts! your encouragement, laughter, sense of humor & desire to pursue God are inspiring. you are a beautiful person, steadfast & faithful. karrie. you are thoughtful & giving. your steps of faith are an inspiration. your heart to obey God & honesty at the foot of the cross are constant reminders of where we all have been & God's grace & faithfulness in redeeming our lives. meleah. you have been an advocate of my creativity in ways that reminded me again of why God put all this inside me. all the theology & political discussions of books & life have challenged the way i process the world. you are kind & compassionate, yet you speak the truth even when it might be hard to hear. you understand the human condition & have a kindness & compassion from above. otilia. you have uncanny wisdom & a gifted mind. you are a rock when it comes to truth. you see very clearly into situations, both good & bad. you are incredibly fun & zany. i love how the two of us can be so entirely curiously clueless & how graham just shakes his head. he is a gem too. you are one of the most formidable people i have ever known. you has been such a strong advocate of my artistic creativity with little idea of how much it has helped me. you are brutally honest & i absolutely love that about you. you have a heart that is submitted before God & you have allowed His grand love & forgiveness to transform your story. i know that God gave me you & graham to model a love that i needed to observe. i am grateful. leigh. there are not enough wonderful things to say about the kind of heart God put inside of you. it is absolutely humbling to watch someone care so much. i know that God is using your dreams & ideas. we never know what is going on behind the curtain & your heart to blindly obey is so pure - i love that about you. you are a treasure & i am thankful for your encouraging place in my life (& your quirky tweets)!

my new website

2011-03-17T06:09:00.010-04:00

i launched my website which has been a bit of time in the the making! please check out www.reginajoans.com & let me know what you think!! i started & stopped making this site... a few times actually. it is a little compilation of my art, creative writing & photography as i continue to build out a creative arts business. i put the site together w/ a brilliant IT expert (www.dstripe.com).

as i sat down a few weeks ago knowing the project was about to end, & many other things about to begin, i took pause to mentally stir...

i realized this feels like So Much for me for several reasons. the main being that that what i really long to spend the majority of time doing is a marked change from where i currently am... my life is unfolding & building... & i relish that process. it's exhilarating to experience God making things beautiful in His time. for those that know me well, they know i work in the investment industry by day & do art/volunteer on the side. often people come to me heart in hand with their life's ick for comfort or encouragement. my heart is often out in a schoolhouse in costa rica, in haiti or engaging with people about life in ways that stir & grow. i really do think the call of God on our lives is relational more than anything else & so i steward where i am, making the most of these opportunities. no matter where, i know that i am created to inspire, help & encourage.

my art is most definitely one means to do that. i am this right-brain left-brain scatterbrain! with art, there is an honesty required to truly express... & well... it has certainly been daunting for me. in creating & engaging, i am reminded over and over that i am most truly identified with my Creator. & so the Strength is in the strain. many times i've had to push myself to share, to create, to move forward... and i cherish that challenge b/c it has fostered character & courage. God does not leave my cause forsaken or my path undone, for i am His & He is mine. i hit a pretty large bump in the road at a pivotal time in my life & that brokenness conquered fears that were my biggest foe. innocence died, but it has risen from the dead - that power of Jesus is alive in me. i am so thankful for the presence of God who created out of impossibility in me. as i engage in the world around me, i am stirred to create & discover in the same way. i am curiously optimistic...

// exhaust the little moment, for soon it dies.... + be it gold or gash it will not come again in this identical guise. {gwendolyn brooks} //

& so it begins. & ends. & begins again.

scribblings

2011-03-09T16:34:00.008-05:00

i am always doodling & drawing. i cannot determine when a particular thought i wish to further ponder further might come about, so i have piles of napkins, post-its & receipts with zany ideas, whimsical designs & heartfelt breathings from deep inside. today i started writing a poem & this was the start. i giggled as i stuck it at my desk. they get filed in my day planner, in my car, purse(s).... well, all over...

dream, write, create... be willing to let life spill out & save it to unfold when the time is right. grab anything that writes to remind you of your thought or design. i've even once used a lip liner pencil. which was a Huge Bummer b/c i liked the color so much & it so quickly disappeared... but it turned into words... which last forever. here's the thing: i rarely remember really dreamy word combo's. i learned my lesson after losing a few golden ideas to the great maze of the mind. so i immediately pen down the phrases for later...

i now fully stock myself with lip liners. jussssttt kidddinnngggg. it's lead pencils all the way. ones that sharpen, Not automatic ones. :)

thought of the day: faith + longing

2011-03-02T22:11:00.003-05:00

i thank God for grace given in Jesus, an everlasting hope not of this world, a peace that defies circumstances & fills the heart to overflowing. so grateful.

john 16:33

whatever your specific trouble has been or is, trusting in God does not mean that magically everything gets all better. it means that in the trouble of a flawed earth, He will not leave your cause forsaken or path undone. it is an unconditional promise as a child of God. this offers a daily hope that is miraculously joyful. in the moment of trouble, you have a window of opportunity to let God embrace - in that delicate tension, there is a trust & communion that is not of this world. it is light & restful. it does not betray or abandon. it is relentless & intimate. a life well lived is one lived for the tomorrow that is eternity. not that the details of life are unimportant - but their place must not be hyper elevated. they are ingredients in God's master plan, not the end of all ends. because the life we are called to live is about so much more than just today. there is a sweet silver lining, a strength... & in the place of stillness & humility, the power of the cross is the only power that sustains from the inside out.

i am not making this up. in turmoil & confusion, this Power has carried me. i learned a lot about who i was, who i was not, who i was becoming... i also learned a lot about the people around me & what most matters. to feel free as a bird when life gets inside out & upside down is nothing that i could have weaved together. God met me when i couldn't see a finger in front of me. when the carpet is pulled out from under you in ways you didn't expect or imagine, there is opportunity for the most beautiful ache of refinement. it grows you beyond your circumstances. the power of God sustains, fuels & gives courage. come to the end of yourself & experience this is where true progress begins.

in a world of lackluster relativism, i hope for a generation that meets brokenness. because we need reverence, respect & leadership to stand against a whatever works world order that is increasingly defined by compromise, popularity & self preservation. you will always have what you are willing to give away. i want to be around people who have hearts postured in this way. people that not just say the right thing, but do it. i want my character to be deep & compassionate. someone recently asked me about what i look for in a gent. i laughed & paused. character i said (amongst other things, then chuckled some more).

in a do better, try harder, best you now kind of world, we miss the sublime intimacy of the true gospel of Jesus. our culture leads us to believe we are the solution to our problems. we are not. there is freedom at the foot of the cross. untied shoes, messy lives... there is a peace that surpasses human understanding where there is ruthless trust.

"o God, i have tasted Thy goodness, & it has both satisfied me & made me thirsty for more. i am painfully conscious of my need for further grace. i am ashamed of my lack of desire. o God, the Triune God, i want to want Thee; i long to be filled with longing; i thirst to be made more thirsty still. show me Thy glory, i pray Thee, so that i may know Thee indeed. begin in mercy a new work of love within me. say to my soul, ‘rise up my love, my fair one, & come away.’ then give me grace to rise & follow thee up from this misty lowland where i have wandered so long." {a.w. tozer}

exhibition: 3rd street gallery

2011-02-19T10:22:00.002-05:00

so excited to be participating in the february open show at the 3rd street gallery in philadelphia. it's on 2nd street in charming old city philadelphia + boasts a street full of creativity + community. check it out!

in the map below, 3rd street gallery is in the top left quadrant. the show goes through february 27. have fun!

thought of the day: ends + means

2011-02-15T17:24:00.008-05:00

i have been thinking about Ends & Means... (an Enquiry Into the Nature of Ideals & Into the Methods Employed for Their Realization).

what's in our our hearts? an empirical values only goes so far. as we engage culture, ultimately it is more about who we are than what we do.

yet the culture presses in to do the opposite...
perform
produce
be popular
do people know who you are?

there is great inequity all over the world. the warning: do not engage in social good through an empiricalistic value set.

for whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it. what good is it for someone to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit their very self? {luke 9:24-25)

for whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. {matthew 16:25}

for whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me and for the gospel will save it. what good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul? {mark 8:35-37}

truth avoided for any period of time will turn into beautifully clothed deceit. there is absolute truth. speak truth in Love.

many are so "relevant" that culture is not getting what it truly needs. may we not fall prey to compromise that degrades truth. may Light shine out the darkness in & around us.

subverting the empire
in an image-saturated world,
a world of omnipresent corporate logos
permeating your consciousness
a world of dehydrated & captive imaginations
in which we are too numbed, satiated & co-opted
to be able to dream of life otherwise
a world in which the empire of global economic affluence
has achieved the monopoly of our imaginations
in this world
Christ is the image of the invisible God
in this world
driven by images with a vengeance
Christ is the image par excellence
the image above all other images
the image that is not a facade
the image that is not trying to sell you anything
the image that refuses to co-opt you
Christ is the image of the invisible God
the image of God
a flesh & blood
here & now
in time & history
with joys & sorrows
image of who God is
the image of God
a flesh & blood
here & now
in time & history
with joys & sorrows
image of who we are called to be
image-bearers of this God
He is the source of a liberated imagination
a sub-version of the empire,
because it all starts with Him
& it all ends with Him
everything
all things
whatever you can imagine
visible & invisible
mountains & atoms
outer space, urban space, & cyberspace
whether it be the pentagon, disneyland, microsoft or at&t
whether it be the institutionalized power structures
of the state, the academy or the market
all things have been created in Him & through Him
He is their source, their purpose, their goal
even in their rebellion
even in their idolatry
He is the sovereign One
their power & authority is derived at best
parasitic at worst
in the face of the empire
in the face of presumptuous claims to sovereignty
in the face of imperial & idolatrous forces in our lives
Christ is before all things
He is sovereign in life
not the pimped dreams of the global market
not the idolatrous forces of nationalism
not the insatiable desires of a consumerist culture
in the face of a disconnected world
where home is a domain in cyberspace
where neighborhood is a chat room
where public space is a shopping mall
where information technology promises
a tuned-in, reconnected world
all things hold together in Christ
the created is a deeply personal cosmos
all cohering & interconnected in Jesus
and this sovereignty takes on cultural flesh
and this coherence of all things is socially embodied
in the church
against all odds
against most of the evidence
in a "show me" culture where words alone don't cut it
the church is
the flesh-and-blood
here-and-now
with joys & sorrows
embodiment of this Christ
as a body politic
around a common mean
in alternative economic practices
in radical service to the most vulnerable
in refusal of the empire
in love of this creation
the church reimagines the world
in the image of the invisible God
in the face of a disappointed world of betrayal
a world in which all fixed points have proven illusory
a world in which we are anchorless + adrift
Christ is the foundation
the origin
the way
the truth
& the life
in the face of a culture of death
a world of killing fields
a world of the walking dead
Christ is the head of the resurrection parade
transforming our tears of betrayal into tears of joy
giving us dancing shoes for the resurrection party
& this glittering joker
who has danced in the dragon's jaws of death
now dances with a dance that is full
of nothing less than the fullness of God
this is the dance of the new creation
this is the dance of life out of death
& in this dance all that was broken
all that was estranged
all that was alienated
all that was dislocated & disconnected
what once was hurt
what once was friction
is reconciled
comes home
is healed
& is made whole
because Grace makes beauty out of ugly things
everything
all things
whatever you can imagine
visible & invisible
mountains & atoms
outer space, urban space & cyberspace
every inch of creation
every dimension of our lives
all things are reconciled to him
& it all happens on a cross,
it all happens at a state execution
where the governor did not commute the sentence
it all happens at the hands of the empire
that has captivated our imagination
it all happens through blood
not through a power grab by the sovereign one
it all happens in embraced pain
for the sake of others
it all happens on a cross
arms outstretched in embrace
this is the image of the invisible God
this is the body of Christ
{from colossians remixed by author brian walsh & sylvia c. keesmaat.}

photoshooot: 7 months!

2011-02-13T12:26:00.003-05:00

a miracle + a delight...

photoshoot: t + c are engaged!

2011-02-12T23:54:00.005-05:00

i am so very happy for my sister & her husband to be! i am grateful for you both in a way that words fail me. you two are an absolute blast to be around. you accept each other unconditionally. i love that you are best friends who happen to also have fallen in love w/ one another. remember that always. xoxo, your sis.

a road trip!

2011-01-29T11:49:00.025-05:00

yesterday i made my 1st fuel fill up in palm beach gardens, fl & then headed 95N to philadelphia! i forgot (hilariously a regina moment) to push my speedometer to -0- when i departed. i took the shot at left & then realized i would need to subtract 80 miles off my end journey! oh dear.

for years my family has been flying back & forth to south florida. sometimes as a little girl they would pack up my sis cristina & i for a road trip adventure to spend some time with my grandparents in jupiter.

c & i always got our bears & books set up in the backseat of our family car & got very excitable counting off the states... until we got to florida. i remember we thought we would get to see our grams & gramps as soon as we got to florida ... with palm beach county 5 hrs into the state, we asked the infamous when will be there scores of times during that final stretch!

a road trip! when i got accepted to showcase my art work for the month of february at burlap & bean (newtown square, pa) & also needed to transport some other goods back north for my sis, i decided on a road trip. music, wind & sky! but it's a long way! while company would have been grand, i absolutely love the open road & looked at it as an adventure!

as i was packing up my car on thursday night after work in my yellow shoes + comfy pants, i got really excited talking to my sis & tim! they were plowing out from lots of snow!

flying philadelphia from palm beach is just over a 2 hour flight... driving it is around 18 to 20 hours, depending... well, hehe, depending on speed!

the other Very Important issue on road trips is water closet stops. it is quite tricky because i wanted to drink water (& coffee), but i did not want to stop in shady/seedy spots! as such, here is the plan i made: leave sofla around 330am, blast through fla, ga, sc & nc in the daylight & leave va & north for dusk & dark since i am most familiar with those areas. once i started, i just got so excited to Get There, & there was so little traffic going through the southern states that i was able to keep a high rate of uninterrupted speed. my dad said i made it in record time!

i had such fun practicing french cd's... "écoutez et répétez"... having all sorts of sing-a-longs (yes, at one point it was a dance party in baby volvo II)... & talking to my sweet friend leigh who was also on a road trip The Same Day! we were rest stop accountability buddies... "did you make it out" ... "yes, back on the road..." :)

it was 44 degrees when i left sofla, & it pretty much stayed in the 40's all day. dawn is dreamy. i saw mist coming off the land in northern florida. i would have loved to stop & photograph that misty daybreak. day is breaking, night is quaking, God is making all things new. all the way up the coast it was blue & clear. i stopped off at the north carolina virginia boarder to use the bathroom & found a little park. the sky & air was just so crisp & fresh.

it topped 50's in the carolina's mid-day & i first saw snow on the northern tip of richmond as i headed in for the home stretch passing washington dc. incidentally, that is when the sky changed. i can always notice the winter sky changing when i fly north to south - snowy northern skies can be thick & white & by richmond, the sky transitioned! seeing it all in 1 day was rad!

i decided to stop in richmond for more fuel & a salad. with only bathroom & fuel stops, i really needed to walk around & take a break!! i really like richmond & it is not too far off 95, so i made a little detour for my single pitstop of the journey! i called my friend otilia & reminisced with her about her virginia wedding weekend as i passed all the richmond thoroughfares we traipsed around on together last may. virginia really is for lovers. it's a great state. :)

the baltimore tunnel always makes me a bit on edge but i turned the tunes up high & faced my Deep Love of Small Spaces. :) it was actually fun this time. :) too bad for the car next to me who had to watch me sing!

when i paid my toll in wilmington, DE & the gent handed me my change, he looked at the random pack job of my back seat & smiled saying, "be safe young lady & have a good night..." so nice! home!

you can get so far fast! i quite like the feature on the iPhone where you can take a snapshot of your location on the gps! i got fuel at 3:23am in palm beach gardens, fl before picking up 95N. i made my first stop for a coffee in palm coast - a really safe & well lit stop! & it is right off 95!

florida is a beastly long state. i took a little over 4 hours to make it out! i really wanted to stop in savannah, but i decided to make that excursion on the way back down.

i have to be honest: s. carolina was the worst trek of 95 for me only because there were only two lanes, but redemptively there was next to no traffic ... so i may have topped 85mph... just a little. :) when i stopped in florence for fuel it was as though the people could tell i am a yankee because everyone was staring at me. when i travel alone, i try to blend in as a safety precaution. so i pretended i had a southern accent when i got my fuel & coffee & make my bathroom break. once i pulled out the accent i had No Problems. :)

rocky mount is really pretty as is the area approaching the virginia border at north carolina. by 3pm i made it from sofla to virigina! so excited!!

the 5:22 time below is after an hour detour in richmond... the only somewhat scary part of the trip was the 495 beltway around DC. 95 is a straight shot north from sofla except this little speedway. it was spitting rain & about 35 degrees which i know implies slick roads. thankfully the rain never started lest i would have really had to reduce speed below 70 mph! :)

by 7:14pm i was off that lovely beltway & baltimore bound! the shot at left is me approaching the tunnel & then finally to philadelphia. i made it!

i met cristina & tim in ardmore for some catch-up time & then c + i drove to our parents... over the river & through the woods. :) the highways are deceiving given the amounts of snow in the burbs! this morning i did not realize that last night i drove past this into my family's driveway!

exhibition: burlap & bean

2011-01-27T11:18:00.000-05:00

so excited! for the month of february my art will be on the walls at the fab + cozy café, burlap and bean. i am going to chronicle a road-trip i am taking from sofla to philadelphia... so follow along!

link for facebook: www.facebook.com/reginajoans.studio
link for photo of the day on twitter: www.twitter.com/reginajoans

exhibition opening party is friday, february 4! looking so forward to a night of music, art & community!

thought of the day: present

2011-01-19T12:32:00.004-05:00

today i was reading some in the compilation of letters by rainer maria rilke titled letters to a young poet.

in a world rushed & askew, there is a great call to be present in the moment right now.

engaging, leaping, fully accountable... but present & at rest.

"i beg you to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart & try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. & the point is, to live everything. live the questions now".

letter from a birmingham jail

2011-01-17T18:56:00.000-05:00

"letter from a birmingham jail" by martin luther king, jr. dated 16 april 1963.

My Dear Fellow Clergymen:

While confined here in the Birmingham city jail, I came across your recent statement calling my present activities "unwise and untimely." Seldom do I pause to answer criticism of my work and ideas. If I sought to answer all the criticisms that cross my desk, my secretaries would have little time for anything other than such correspondence in the course of the day, and I would have no time for constructive work. But since I feel that you are men of genuine good will and that your criticisms are sincerely set forth, I want to try to answer your statement in what I hope will be patient and reasonable terms.

I think I should indicate why I am here in Birmingham, since you have been influenced by the view which argues against "outsiders coming in." I have the honor of serving as president of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference, an organization operating in every southern state, with headquarters in Atlanta, Georgia. We have some eighty five affiliated organizations across the South, and one of them is the Alabama Christian Movement for Human Rights. Frequently we share staff, educational and financial resources with our affiliates. Several months ago the affiliate here in Birmingham asked us to be on call to engage in a nonviolent direct action program if such were deemed necessary. We readily consented, and when the hour came we lived up to our promise. So I, along with several members of my staff, am here because I was invited here. I am here because I have organizational ties here.

But more basically, I am in Birmingham because injustice is here. Just as the prophets of the eighth century B.C. left their villages and carried their "thus saith the Lord" far beyond the boundaries of their home towns, and just as the Apostle Paul left his village of Tarsus and carried the gospel of Jesus Christ to the far corners of the Greco Roman world, so am I compelled to carry the gospel of freedom beyond my own home town. Like Paul, I must constantly respond to the Macedonian call for aid.

Moreover, I am cognizant of the interrelatedness of all communities and states. I cannot sit idly by in Atlanta and not be concerned about what happens in Birmingham. Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly. Never again can we afford to live with the narrow, provincial "outside agitator" idea. Anyone who lives inside the United States can never be considered an outsider anywhere within its bounds.

You deplore the demonstrations taking place in Birmingham. But your statement, I am sorry to say, fails to express a similar concern for the conditions that brought about the demonstrations. I am sure that none of you would want to rest content with the superficial kind of social analysis that deals merely with effects and does not grapple with underlying causes. It is unfortunate that demonstrations are taking place in Birmingham, but it is even more unfortunate that the city's white power structure left the Negro community with no alternative.

In any nonviolent campaign there are four basic steps: collection of the facts to determine whether injustices exist; negotiation; self purification; and direct action. We have gone through all these steps in Birmingham. There can be no gainsaying the fact that racial injustice engulfs this community. Birmingham is probably the most thoroughly segregated city in the United States. Its ugly record of brutality is widely known. Negroes have experienced grossly unjust treatment in the courts. There have been more unsolved bombings of Negro homes and churches in Birmingham than in any other city in the nation. These are the hard, brutal facts of the case. On the basis of these conditions, Negro leaders sought to negotiate with the city fathers. But the latter consistently refused to engage in good faith negotiation.

Then, last September, came the opportunity to talk with leaders of Birmingham's economic community. In the course of the negotiations, certain promises were made by the merchants--for example, to remove the stores' humiliating racial signs. On the basis of these promises, the Reverend Fred Shuttlesworth and the leaders of the Alabama Christian Movement for Human Rights agreed to a moratorium on all demonstrations. As the weeks and months went by, we realized that we were the victims of a broken promise. A few signs, briefly removed, returned; the others remained. As in so many past experiences, our hopes had been blasted, and the shadow of deep disappointment settled upon us. We had no alternative except to prepare for direct action, whereby we would present our very bodies as a means of laying our case before the conscience of the local and the national community. Mindful of the difficulties involved, we decided to undertake a process of self purification. We began a series of workshops on nonviolence, and we repeatedly asked ourselves: "Are you able to accept blows without retaliating?" "Are you able to endure the ordeal of jail?" We decided to schedule our direct action program for the Easter season, realizing that except for Christmas, this is the main shopping period of the year. Knowing that a strong economic-withdrawal program would be the by product of direct action, we felt that this would be the best time to bring pressure to bear on the merchants for the needed change.

Then it occurred to us that Birmingham's mayoral election was coming up in March, and we speedily decided to postpone action until after election day. When we discovered that the Commissioner of Public Safety, Eugene "Bull" Connor, had piled up enough votes to be in the run off, we decided again to postpone action until the day after the run off so that the demonstrations could not be used to cloud the issues. Like many others, we waited to see Mr. Connor defeated, and to this end we endured postponement after postponement. Having aided in this community need, we felt that our direct action program could be delayed no longer.

You may well ask: "Why direct action? Why sit ins, marches and so forth? Isn't negotiation a better path?" You are quite right in calling for negotiation. Indeed, this is the very purpose of direct action. Nonviolent direct action seeks to create such a crisis and foster such a tension that a community which has constantly refused to negotiate is forced to confront the issue. It seeks so to dramatize the issue that it can no longer be ignored. My citing the creation of tension as part of the work of the nonviolent resister may sound rather shocking. But I must confess that I am not afraid of the word "tension." I have earnestly opposed violent tension, but there is a type of constructive, nonviolent tension which is necessary for growth. Just as Socrates felt that it was necessary to create a tension in the mind so that individuals could rise from the bondage of myths and half truths to the unfettered realm of creative analysis and objective appraisal, so must we see the need for nonviolent gadflies to create the kind of tension in society that will help men rise from the dark depths of prejudice and racism to the majestic heights of understanding and brotherhood. The purpose of our direct action program is to create a situation so crisis packed that it will inevitably open the door to negotiation. I therefore concur with you in your call for negotiation. Too long has our beloved Southland been bogged down in a tragic effort to live in monologue rather than dialogue.

One of the basic points in your statement is that the action that I and my associates have taken in Birmingham is untimely. Some have asked: "Why didn't you give the new city administration time to act?" The only answer that I can give to this query is that the new Birmingham administration must be prodded about as much as the outgoing one, before it will act. We are sadly mistaken if we feel that the election of Albert Boutwell as mayor will bring the millennium to Birmingham. While Mr. Boutwell is a much more gentle person than Mr. Connor, they are both segregationists, dedicated to maintenance of the status quo. I have hope that Mr. Boutwell will be reasonable enough to see the futility of massive resistance to desegregation. But he will not see this without pressure from devotees of civil rights. My friends, I must say to you that we have not made a single gain in civil rights without determined legal and nonviolent pressure. Lamentably, it is an historical fact that privileged groups seldom give up their privileges voluntarily. Individuals may see the moral light and voluntarily give up their unjust posture; but, as Reinhold Niebuhr has reminded us, groups tend to be more immoral than individuals.

We know through painful experience that freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed. Frankly, I have yet to engage in a direct action campaign that was "well timed" in the view of those who have not suffered unduly from the disease of segregation. For years now I have heard the word "Wait!" It rings in the ear of every Negro with piercing familiarity. This "Wait" has almost always meant "Never." We must come to see, with one of our distinguished jurists, that "justice too long delayed is justice denied."

We have waited for more than 340 years for our constitutional and God given rights. The nations of Asia and Africa are moving with jetlike speed toward gaining political independence, but we still creep at horse and buggy pace toward gaining a cup of coffee at a lunch counter. Perhaps it is easy for those who have never felt the stinging darts of segregation to say, "Wait." But when you have seen vicious mobs lynch your mothers and fathers at will and drown your sisters and brothers at whim; when you have seen hate filled policemen curse, kick and even kill your black brothers and sisters; when you see the vast majority of your twenty million Negro brothers smothering in an airtight cage of poverty in the midst of an affluent society; when you suddenly find your tongue twisted and your speech stammering as you seek to explain to your six year old daughter why she can't go to the public amusement park that has just been advertised on television, and see tears welling up in her eyes when she is told that Funtown is closed to colored children, and see ominous clouds of inferiority beginning to form in her little mental sky, and see her beginning to distort her personality by developing an unconscious bitterness toward white people; when you have to concoct an answer for a five year old son who is asking: "Daddy, why do white people treat colored people so mean?"; when you take a cross county drive and find it necessary to sleep night after night in the uncomfortable corners of your automobile because no motel will accept you; when you are humiliated day in and day out by nagging signs reading "white" and "colored"; when your first name becomes "nigger," your middle name becomes "boy" (however old you are) and your last name becomes "John," and your wife and mother are never given the respected title "Mrs."; when you are harried by day and haunted by night by the fact that you are a Negro, living constantly at tiptoe stance, never quite knowing what to expect next, and are plagued with inner fears and outer resentments; when you are forever fighting a degenerating sense of "nobodiness"--then you will understand why we find it difficult to wait. There comes a time when the cup of endurance runs over, and men are no longer willing to be plunged into the abyss of despair. I hope, sirs, you can understand our legitimate and unavoidable impatience. You express a great deal of anxiety over our willingness to break laws. This is certainly a legitimate concern. Since we so diligently urge people to obey the Supreme Court's decision of 1954 outlawing segregation in the public schools, at first glance it may seem rather paradoxical for us consciously to break laws. One may well ask: "How can you advocate breaking some laws and obeying others?" The answer lies in the fact that there are two types of laws: just and unjust. I would be the first to advocate obeying just laws. One has not only a legal but a moral responsibility to obey just laws. Conversely, one has a moral responsibility to disobey unjust laws. I would agree with St. Augustine that "an unjust law is no law at all."

Now, what is the difference between the two? How does one determine whether a law is just or unjust? A just law is a man made code that squares with the moral law or the law of God. An unjust law is a code that is out of harmony with the moral law. To put it in the terms of St. Thomas Aquinas: An unjust law is a human law that is not rooted in eternal law and natural law. Any law that uplifts human personality is just. Any law that degrades human personality is unjust. All segregation statutes are unjust because segregation distorts the soul and damages the personality. It gives the segregator a false sense of superiority and the segregated a false sense of inferiority. Segregation, to use the terminology of the Jewish philosopher Martin Buber, substitutes an "I it" relationship for an "I thou" relationship and ends up relegating persons to the status of things. Hence segregation is not only politically, economically and sociologically unsound, it is morally wrong and sinful. Paul Tillich has said that sin is separation. Is not segregation an existential expression of man's tragic separation, his awful estrangement, his terrible sinfulness? Thus it is that I can urge men to obey the 1954 decision of the Supreme Court, for it is morally right; and I can urge them to disobey segregation ordinances, for they are morally wrong.

Let us consider a more concrete example of just and unjust laws. An unjust law is a code that a numerical or power majority group compels a minority group to obey but does not make binding on itself. This is difference made legal. By the same token, a just law is a code that a majority compels a minority to follow and that it is willing to follow itself. This is sameness made legal. Let me give another explanation. A law is unjust if it is inflicted on a minority that, as a result of being denied the right to vote, had no part in enacting or devising the law. Who can say that the legislature of Alabama which set up that state's segregation laws was democratically elected? Throughout Alabama all sorts of devious methods are used to prevent Negroes from becoming registered voters, and there are some counties in which, even though Negroes constitute a majority of the population, not a single Negro is registered. Can any law enacted under such circumstances be considered democratically structured?

Sometimes a law is just on its face and unjust in its application. For instance, I have been arrested on a charge of parading without a permit. Now, there is nothing wrong in having an ordinance which requires a permit for a parade. But such an ordinance becomes unjust when it is used to maintain segregation and to deny citizens the First-Amendment privilege of peaceful assembly and protest.

I hope you are able to see the distinction I am trying to point out. In no sense do I advocate evading or defying the law, as would the rabid segregationist. That would lead to anarchy. One who breaks an unjust law must do so openly, lovingly, and with a willingness to accept the penalty. I submit that an individual who breaks a law that conscience tells him is unjust, and who willingly accepts the penalty of imprisonment in order to arouse the conscience of the community over its injustice, is in reality expressing the highest respect for law.

Of course, there is nothing new about this kind of civil disobedience. It was evidenced sublimely in the refusal of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego to obey the laws of Nebuchadnezzar, on the ground that a higher moral law was at stake. It was practiced superbly by the early Christians, who were willing to face hungry lions and the excruciating pain of chopping blocks rather than submit to certain unjust laws of the Roman Empire. To a degree, academic freedom is a reality today because Socrates practiced civil disobedience. In our own nation, the Boston Tea Party represented a massive act of civil disobedience.

We should never forget that everything Adolf Hitler did in Germany was "legal" and everything the Hungarian freedom fighters did in Hungary was "illegal." It was "illegal" to aid and comfort a Jew in Hitler's Germany. Even so, I am sure that, had I lived in Germany at the time, I would have aided and comforted my Jewish brothers. If today I lived in a Communist country where certain principles dear to the Christian faith are suppressed, I would openly advocate disobeying that country's antireligious laws.

I must make two honest confessions to you, my Christian and Jewish brothers. First, I must confess that over the past few years I have been gravely disappointed with the white moderate. I have almost reached the regrettable conclusion that the Negro's great stumbling block in his stride toward freedom is not the White Citizen's Counciler or the Ku Klux Klanner, but the white moderate, who is more devoted to "order" than to justice; who prefers a negative peace which is the absence of tension to a positive peace which is the presence of justice; who constantly says: "I agree with you in the goal you seek, but I cannot agree with your methods of direct action"; who paternalistically believes he can set the timetable for another man's freedom; who lives by a mythical concept of time and who constantly advises the Negro to wait for a "more convenient season." Shallow understanding from people of good will is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will. Lukewarm acceptance is much more bewildering than outright rejection.

I had hoped that the white moderate would understand that law and order exist for the purpose of establishing justice and that when they fail in this purpose they become the dangerously structured dams that block the flow of social progress. I had hoped that the white moderate would understand that the present tension in the South is a necessary phase of the transition from an obnoxious negative peace, in which the Negro passively accepted his unjust plight, to a substantive and positive peace, in which all men will respect the dignity and worth of human personality. Actually, we who engage in nonviolent direct action are not the creators of tension. We merely bring to the surface the hidden tension that is already alive. We bring it out in the open, where it can be seen and dealt with. Like a boil that can never be cured so long as it is covered up but must be opened with all its ugliness to the natural medicines of air and light, injustice must be exposed, with all the tension its exposure creates, to the light of human conscience and the air of national opinion before it can be cured.

In your statement you assert that our actions, even though peaceful, must be condemned because they precipitate violence. But is this a logical assertion? Isn't this like condemning a robbed man because his possession of money precipitated the evil act of robbery? Isn't this like condemning Socrates because his unswerving commitment to truth and his philosophical inquiries precipitated the act by the misguided populace in which they made him drink hemlock? Isn't this like condemning Jesus because his unique God consciousness and never ceasing devotion to God's will precipitated the evil act of crucifixion? We must come to see that, as the federal courts have consistently affirmed, it is wrong to urge an individual to cease his efforts to gain his basic constitutional rights because the quest may precipitate violence. Society must protect the robbed and punish the robber. I had also hoped that the white moderate would reject the myth concerning time in relation to the struggle for freedom. I have just received a letter from a white brother in Texas. He writes: "All Christians know that the colored people will receive equal rights eventually, but it is possible that you are in too great a religious hurry. It has taken Christianity almost two thousand years to accomplish what it has. The teachings of Christ take time to come to earth." Such an attitude stems from a tragic misconception of time, from the strangely irrational notion that there is something in the very flow of time that will inevitably cure all ills. Actually, time itself is neutral; it can be used either destructively or constructively. More and more I feel that the people of ill will have used time much more effectively than have the people of good will. We will have to repent in this generation not merely for the hateful words and actions of the bad people but for the appalling silence of the good people. Human progress never rolls in on wheels of inevitability; it comes through the tireless efforts of men willing to be co workers with God, and without this hard work, time itself becomes an ally of the forces of social stagnation. We must use time creatively, in the knowledge that the time is always ripe to do right. Now is the time to make real the promise of democracy and transform our pending national elegy into a creative psalm of brotherhood. Now is the time to lift our national policy from the quicksand of racial injustice to the solid rock of human dignity.

You speak of our activity in Birmingham as extreme. At first I was rather disappointed that fellow clergymen would see my nonviolent efforts as those of an extremist. I began thinking about the fact that I stand in the middle of two opposing forces in the Negro community. One is a force of complacency, made up in part of Negroes who, as a result of long years of oppression, are so drained of self respect and a sense of "somebodiness" that they have adjusted to segregation; and in part of a few middle-class Negroes who, because of a degree of academic and economic security and because in some ways they profit by segregation, have become insensitive to the problems of the masses. The other force is one of bitterness and hatred, and it comes perilously close to advocating violence. It is expressed in the various black nationalist groups that are springing up across the nation, the largest and best known being Elijah Muhammad's Muslim movement. Nourished by the Negro's frustration over the continued existence of racial discrimination, this movement is made up of people who have lost faith in America, who have absolutely repudiated Christianity, and who have concluded that the white man is an incorrigible "devil."

I have tried to stand between these two forces, saying that we need emulate neither the "do nothingism" of the complacent nor the hatred and despair of the black nationalist. For there is the more excellent way of love and nonviolent protest. I am grateful to God that, through the influence of the Negro church, the way of nonviolence became an integral part of our struggle. If this philosophy had not emerged, by now many streets of the South would, I am convinced, be flowing with blood. And I am further convinced that if our white brothers dismiss as "rabble rousers" and "outside agitators" those of us who employ nonviolent direct action, and if they refuse to support our nonviolent efforts, millions of Negroes will, out of frustration and despair, seek solace and security in black nationalist ideologies--a development that would inevitably lead to a frightening racial nightmare.

Oppressed people cannot remain oppressed forever. The yearning for freedom eventually manifests itself, and that is what has happened to the American Negro. Something within has reminded him of his birthright of freedom, and something without has reminded him that it can be gained. Consciously or unconsciously, he has been caught up by the Zeitgeist, and with his black brothers of Africa and his brown and yellow brothers of Asia, South America and the Caribbean, the United States Negro is moving with a sense of great urgency toward the promised land of racial justice. If one recognizes this vital urge that has engulfed the Negro community, one should readily understand why public demonstrations are taking place. The Negro has many pent up resentments and latent frustrations, and he must release them. So let him march; let him make prayer pilgrimages to the city hall; let him go on freedom rides -and try to understand why he must do so. If his repressed emotions are not released in nonviolent ways, they will seek expression through violence; this is not a threat but a fact of history. So I have not said to my people: "Get rid of your discontent." Rather, I have tried to say that this normal and healthy discontent can be channeled into the creative outlet of nonviolent direct action. And now this approach is being termed extremist. But though I was initially disappointed at being categorized as an extremist, as I continued to think about the matter I gradually gained a measure of satisfaction from the label. Was not Jesus an extremist for love: "Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you." Was not Amos an extremist for justice: "Let justice roll down like waters and righteousness like an ever flowing stream." Was not Paul an extremist for the Christian gospel: "I bear in my body the marks of the Lord Jesus." Was not Martin Luther an extremist: "Here I stand; I cannot do otherwise, so help me God." And John Bunyan: "I will stay in jail to the end of my days before I make a butchery of my conscience." And Abraham Lincoln: "This nation cannot survive half slave and half free." And Thomas Jefferson: "We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal . . ." So the question is not whether we will be extremists, but what kind of extremists we will be. Will we be extremists for hate or for love? Will we be extremists for the preservation of injustice or for the extension of justice? In that dramatic scene on Calvary's hill three men were crucified. We must never forget that all three were crucified for the same crime--the crime of extremism. Two were extremists for immorality, and thus fell below their environment. The other, Jesus Christ, was an extremist for love, truth and goodness, and thereby rose above his environment. Perhaps the South, the nation and the world are in dire need of creative extremists.

I had hoped that the white moderate would see this need. Perhaps I was too optimistic; perhaps I expected too much. I suppose I should have realized that few members of the oppressor race can understand the deep groans and passionate yearnings of the oppressed race, and still fewer have the vision to see that injustice must be rooted out by strong, persistent and determined action. I am thankful, however, that some of our white brothers in the South have grasped the meaning of this social revolution and committed themselves to it. They are still all too few in quantity, but they are big in quality. Some -such as Ralph McGill, Lillian Smith, Harry Golden, James McBride Dabbs, Ann Braden and Sarah Patton Boyle--have written about our struggle in eloquent and prophetic terms. Others have marched with us down nameless streets of the South. They have languished in filthy, roach infested jails, suffering the abuse and brutality of policemen who view them as "dirty nigger-lovers." Unlike so many of their moderate brothers and sisters, they have recognized the urgency of the moment and sensed the need for powerful "action" antidotes to combat the disease of segregation. Let me take note of my other major disappointment. I have been so greatly disappointed with the white church and its leadership. Of course, there are some notable exceptions. I am not unmindful of the fact that each of you has taken some significant stands on this issue. I commend you, Reverend Stallings, for your Christian stand on this past Sunday, in welcoming Negroes to your worship service on a nonsegregated basis. I commend the Catholic leaders of this state for integrating Spring Hill College several years ago.

But despite these notable exceptions, I must honestly reiterate that I have been disappointed with the church. I do not say this as one of those negative critics who can always find something wrong with the church. I say this as a minister of the gospel, who loves the church; who was nurtured in its bosom; who has been sustained by its spiritual blessings and who will remain true to it as long as the cord of life shall lengthen.

When I was suddenly catapulted into the leadership of the bus protest in Montgomery, Alabama, a few years ago, I felt we would be supported by the white church. I felt that the white ministers, priests and rabbis of the South would be among our strongest allies. Instead, some have been outright opponents, refusing to understand the freedom movement and misrepresenting its leaders; all too many others have been more cautious than courageous and have remained silent behind the anesthetizing security of stained glass windows.

In spite of my shattered dreams, I came to Birmingham with the hope that the white religious leadership of this community would see the justice of our cause and, with deep moral concern, would serve as the channel through which our just grievances could reach the power structure. I had hoped that each of you would understand. But again I have been disappointed.

I have heard numerous southern religious leaders admonish their worshipers to comply with a desegregation decision because it is the law, but I have longed to hear white ministers declare: "Follow this decree because integration is morally right and because the Negro is your brother." In the midst of blatant injustices inflicted upon the Negro, I have watched white churchmen stand on the sideline and mouth pious irrelevancies and sanctimonious trivialities. In the midst of a mighty struggle to rid our nation of racial and economic injustice, I have heard many ministers say: "Those are social issues, with which the gospel has no real concern." And I have watched many churches commit themselves to a completely other worldly religion which makes a strange, un-Biblical distinction between body and soul, between the sacred and the secular.

I have traveled the length and breadth of Alabama, Mississippi and all the other southern states. On sweltering summer days and crisp autumn mornings I have looked at the South's beautiful churches with their lofty spires pointing heavenward. I have beheld the impressive outlines of her massive religious education buildings. Over and over I have found myself asking: "What kind of people worship here? Who is their God? Where were their voices when the lips of Governor Barnett dripped with words of interposition and nullification? Where were they when Governor Wallace gave a clarion call for defiance and hatred? Where were their voices of support when bruised and weary Negro men and women decided to rise from the dark dungeons of complacency to the bright hills of creative protest?"

Yes, these questions are still in my mind. In deep disappointment I have wept over the laxity of the church. But be assured that my tears have been tears of love. There can be no deep disappointment where there is not deep love. Yes, I love the church. How could I do otherwise? I am in the rather unique position of being the son, the grandson and the great grandson of preachers. Yes, I see the church as the body of Christ. But, oh! How we have blemished and scarred that body through social neglect and through fear of being nonconformists.

There was a time when the church was very powerful--in the time when the early Christians rejoiced at being deemed worthy to suffer for what they believed. In those days the church was not merely a thermometer that recorded the ideas and principles of popular opinion; it was a thermostat that transformed the mores of society. Whenever the early Christians entered a town, the people in power became disturbed and immediately sought to convict the Christians for being "disturbers of the peace" and "outside agitators."' But the Christians pressed on, in the conviction that they were "a colony of heaven," called to obey God rather than man. Small in number, they were big in commitment. They were too God-intoxicated to be "astronomically intimidated." By their effort and example they brought an end to such ancient evils as infanticide and gladiatorial contests. Things are different now. So often the contemporary church is a weak, ineffectual voice with an uncertain sound. So often it is an archdefender of the status quo. Far from being disturbed by the presence of the church, the power structure of the average community is consoled by the church's silent--and often even vocal--sanction of things as they are.

But the judgment of God is upon the church as never before. If today's church does not recapture the sacrificial spirit of the early church, it will lose its authenticity, forfeit the loyalty of millions, and be dismissed as an irrelevant social club with no meaning for the twentieth century. Every day I meet young people whose disappointment with the church has turned into outright disgust.

Perhaps I have once again been too optimistic. Is organized religion too inextricably bound to the status quo to save our nation and the world? Perhaps I must turn my faith to the inner spiritual church, the church within the church, as the true ekklesia and the hope of the world. But again I am thankful to God that some noble souls from the ranks of organized religion have broken loose from the paralyzing chains of conformity and joined us as active partners in the struggle for freedom. They have left their secure congregations and walked the streets of Albany, Georgia, with us. They have gone down the highways of the South on tortuous rides for freedom. Yes, they have gone to jail with us. Some have been dismissed from their churches, have lost the support of their bishops and fellow ministers. But they have acted in the faith that right defeated is stronger than evil triumphant. Their witness has been the spiritual salt that has preserved the true meaning of the gospel in these troubled times. They have carved a tunnel of hope through the dark mountain of disappointment. I hope the church as a whole will meet the challenge of this decisive hour. But even if the church does not come to the aid of justice, I have no despair about the future. I have no fear about the outcome of our struggle in Birmingham, even if our motives are at present misunderstood. We will reach the goal of freedom in Birmingham and all over the nation, because the goal of America is freedom. Abused and scorned though we may be, our destiny is tied up with America's destiny. Before the pilgrims landed at Plymouth, we were here. Before the pen of Jefferson etched the majestic words of the Declaration of Independence across the pages of history, we were here. For more than two centuries our forebears labored in this country without wages; they made cotton king; they built the homes of their masters while suffering gross injustice and shameful humiliation -and yet out of a bottomless vitality they continued to thrive and develop. If the inexpressible cruelties of slavery could not stop us, the opposition we now face will surely fail. We will win our freedom because the sacred heritage of our nation and the eternal will of God are embodied in our echoing demands. Before closing I feel impelled to mention one other point in your statement that has troubled me profoundly. You warmly commended the Birmingham police force for keeping "order" and "preventing violence." I doubt that you would have so warmly commended the police force if you had seen its dogs sinking their teeth into unarmed, nonviolent Negroes. I doubt that you would so quickly commend the policemen if you were to observe their ugly and inhumane treatment of Negroes here in the city jail; if you were to watch them push and curse old Negro women and young Negro girls; if you were to see them slap and kick old Negro men and young boys; if you were to observe them, as they did on two occasions, refuse to give us food because we wanted to sing our grace together. I cannot join you in your praise of the Birmingham police department.

It is true that the police have exercised a degree of discipline in handling the demonstrators. In this sense they have conducted themselves rather "nonviolently" in public. But for what purpose? To preserve the evil system of segregation. Over the past few years I have consistently preached that nonviolence demands that the means we use must be as pure as the ends we seek. I have tried to make clear that it is wrong to use immoral means to attain moral ends. But now I must affirm that it is just as wrong, or perhaps even more so, to use moral means to preserve immoral ends. Perhaps Mr. Connor and his policemen have been rather nonviolent in public, as was Chief Pritchett in Albany, Georgia, but they have used the moral means of nonviolence to maintain the immoral end of racial injustice. As T. S. Eliot has said: "The last temptation is the greatest treason: To do the right deed for the wrong reason."

I wish you had commended the Negro sit inners and demonstrators of Birmingham for their sublime courage, their willingness to suffer and their amazing discipline in the midst of great provocation. One day the South will recognize its real heroes. They will be the James Merediths, with the noble sense of purpose that enables them to face jeering and hostile mobs, and with the agonizing loneliness that characterizes the life of the pioneer. They will be old, oppressed, battered Negro women, symbolized in a seventy two year old woman in Montgomery, Alabama, who rose up with a sense of dignity and with her people decided not to ride segregated buses, and who responded with ungrammatical profundity to one who inquired about her weariness: "My feets is tired, but my soul is at rest." They will be the young high school and college students, the young ministers of the gospel and a host of their elders, courageously and nonviolently sitting in at lunch counters and willingly going to jail for conscience' sake. One day the South will know that when these disinherited children of God sat down at lunch counters, they were in reality standing up for what is best in the American dream and for the most sacred values in our Judaeo Christian heritage, thereby bringing our nation back to those great wells of democracy which were dug deep by the founding fathers in their formulation of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence.

Never before have I written so long a letter. I'm afraid it is much too long to take your precious time. I can assure you that it would have been much shorter if I had been writing from a comfortable desk, but what else can one do when he is alone in a narrow jail cell, other than write long letters, think long thoughts and pray long prayers?

If I have said anything in this letter that overstates the truth and indicates an unreasonable impatience, I beg you to forgive me. If I have said anything that understates the truth and indicates my having a patience that allows me to settle for anything less than brotherhood, I beg God to forgive me.

I hope this letter finds you strong in the faith. I also hope that circumstances will soon make it possible for me to meet each of you, not as an integrationist or a civil-rights leader but as a fellow clergyman and a Christian brother. Let us all hope that the dark clouds of racial prejudice will soon pass away and the deep fog of misunderstanding will be lifted from our fear drenched communities, and in some not too distant tomorrow the radiant stars of love and brotherhood will shine over our great nation with all their scintillating beauty.

Yours for the cause of Peace and Brotherhood, Martin Luther King, Jr.

photo of the day: nantucket stroll

2011-01-08T16:14:00.000-05:00

haiti: large scale mobilization needed

2011-01-06T23:57:00.000-05:00

i made a friend. he is from haiti. i see him every morning & he is full of jest yet kindness. he comments on my outfits & we exchange morning greetings en françias. we talk about haiti & the people there. i share my traveling experiences & the editorial photography work i did & why. he asked to see my photos & i shared them with him. he offered to support me next time i go! my heart melted. he shares stories of the family members he lost & those still trying to survive.

over the holidays i thought a lot about how the world is still not fully engaged in the story of haiti. i thought about how i want to change this. the people there are entirely oppressed by a selfish & greedy government. i keep praying that the UN or some neutral organization would crack down on the government. they have supplies in warehouses & money enough to buy houses in other countries. sometimes i wish the people were empowered to truly change their government. today my friend asked me if i would be on their government! i said i gladly would. if only. something has to be done! there are a few large missions organizations i can think of that may have the capacity to go in & bring supplies & healing to a large number of the population & educate them on the reality of their situation. maybe if the people were strong enough & aware enough, they could band together for truth. i remember talking to one man in an overfished seaside village so destitute they were bringing in mino sized fish. he said he would work – that he wanted to work – but he could not find a job. they have little to no supplies or knowledge about how to be sustainable. these people are oppressed!

i am geographically so close to haiti in south florida, so i think that is what gets me. as a christian (not as an american), i find that i am not able to turn a deaf ear & a blind eye to what i observe. my heart breaks every single day for what i saw in haiti. people are living under plastic tarps because their government is evil & corrupt. we have to do more to help them figure a way out. large scale mobilization is needed.

photoshoot: dana scheicher

2011-01-06T06:28:00.002-05:00

the lovely & sweet dana scheicher commissioned me for some editorial/head shots for her entrepreneurial endeavors. she is currently doing work with the etiquette society of palm beach as a business & sales etiquette professional trainer. she also operates a boutique paper company called palm tree papery. here are just a few shots from our shoot!

this year i learned...

2011-01-04T23:55:00.001-05:00

happy 2011. a reflective & sparkly time to celebrate created to Creator the Hope of redemption. it’s a time to sit back & reflect deeply that Jesus came to earth to redeem all that has been lost & broken. He is restoring creation to its original created order & one day there will be no more tears. as we engage deeply in the redemption story, He miraculously changes our hearts in sustainable, onwards & upwards ways. this is refinement & santification until the day of Jesus. may private prayer grow this year in ways that widen perspective & deepen trust. i pray you know the peace of His love & grace. life isn’t conquered in a moment. it begins & ends & begins again. may the close of a year & the start of a new one spark you anew & afresh. my best for a 2011 full of depth, growth, gut-wrenching laugher & all kinds of curious discoveries.

truly, regina

oh 2010! i bid you farewell!

i learned that i most love creating out of impossibility because that is what God does in me.
i learned that God’s grace in Jesus is an everlasting hope most certainly not of this world – because it defies circumstance & fills the heart to overflowing.
i learned that real love is unconditional – where Love is, fear won’t tread.
i learned that only meekness & majesty from above can stir change from the inside out - moralisms do not change the heart.
i learned just how thankful i am for Hope in the tension of this beautiful mess.
i learned that power is marvelous but dangerous – exhibited in truth it is liberating, but misused it is destructive, deceitful & crippling.
i learned that you always have what you have purely given.
i learned that truth avoided will degrade into beautifully clothed deceit.
i learned that love is both will & emotion – it is the will that sustains love when our wounded emotions get offended.
i learned to discern a limp from a crutch. a limp comes as a scar from a healed wound. a crutch is a pile of open wounds swept under a fancy carpet.
i learned to say no to toxic shenanigans – this is hard & i am clumsy!
i learned that transition can be equated to exponential growth.
i learned that transformation requires sacrifice.
i learned that while life can be disappointing, never to stop hoping or being curious.
i learned to be truly still.
i learned anew & afresh that i am nothing without amazing grace.
i learned to remind myself daily that God’s peace & joy is real, transcending all i know to be painful & sad or triumphant & blissful.
i learned that pain is complex.
i learned to not give up when it is hard.
i learned that explanations can be a substitute for trust.
i learned to be humble in spirit – that God will take care of that which i can’t remedy - in His time & ways.
i learned how to be a deeper & newer version of me.
i learned to not doubt in the dark what i saw in the light – for the glorious morning comes!
i learned that without transparency there is suffocation.
i learned to be present in the moment i am in.
i learned that time & space doesn’t alone heal wounds – in deep ache, God offers sublime intimacy – & this is a salve that cleanses & redeems.
i learned that letting go doesn’t mean giving up.
i learned that i relish seeing the miraculous in the common.
i learned anew that there is no such thing as small change.
i learned that my heart & my flesh may fail, but God is the strength of my heart & my portion forever - while all things are passing, God cannot be moved.
i learned (quite excitedly) that i am a bit braver than i realized.
i learned for real that my Redeemer lives & in the end He will stand upon the earth. my ears had heard, but truly now my eyes have seen.
i learned that redemption can only be realized when the broken is let out. going to the gutter is dreadfully scary, requires much, but we come out newer & deeper. can you become?

empire state of mind

2010-12-30T23:41:00.009-05:00

new york city is this place that i have come to love. i'm an old soul, & there is a lot about nyc that is just tried & true - & i like that. it can be quite a tough & gritty place... & yet an incredibly soft & dreamy place too. while autumn is my favorite northern season by a landslide, i spent a brisk, winter snowy day in manhattan that quickly climbed the charts of sweet nyc moments.

we got a fairly decent amount of snow in the philadelphia area the day after christmas, & nyc was still digging out when i padded out of penn station this AM. so much in fact, that i had to trade my smart looking flats for the first pair of hunter boots i could find!! oh dear. i quite overestimated their snow removal situation! but i was better suited to play in the snow piles i found in central park! took in that quintessential walk late this afternoon & the light was just right. sledding in central park ... good company ... snow piles ... giggles & laughing ... a baby's rosy cheeks ... clean smelling cold air ... jubilee! so thankful. i viewed some art, people watched & had the most tasty cup of joe at sant ambroeus. by most accounts, from the outside, my today was a quiet & discreet one - but it was something genuine.

to me, real life is made up of all these seemingly small moments. it's not the extravagant exceptions to our lives that are most noteworthy. it is the overarching trend of our moments that mark & define who we really are.

next post: this year i learned...

thought of the day: by, in & before

2010-12-12T23:18:00.008-05:00

from psalm 77...

i will remember the deeds of the Lord;
yes, I will remember Your miracles of long ago.
i will consider all Your works & meditate on all Your mighty deeds.

Your ways, God, are holy. what god is as great as our God?
You are the God who performs miracles; You display your power among the peoples.
with Your mighty arm You redeemed Your people, the descendants of Jacob & Joseph.

the waters saw You, God, the waters saw You & writhed;
the very depths were convulsed.
the clouds poured down water,
the heavens resounded with thunder; Your arrows flashed back & forth.

Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind,
Your lightning lit up the world; the earth trembled & quaked.
Your path led through the sea, Your way through the mighty waters,
though Your footprints were not seen.

You led your people like a flock by the hand of Moses & Aaron.

///

the God of the Exodus is our God. He who promised is faithful, even in the dark. faith is assurance of what we hope for & certain of what we do not see. His grace is sufficient, for His power is made perfect in broken weakness. though outwardly we waste away, inwardly we are being renewed day by day. our monetary troubles are achieving for us eternal glory that far outweighs them all. so we fix our eyes on not what is seen, but unseen. for what is seen is temporary but what is unseen is eternal. oh taste & see the Lord's compassionate, good, redemptive love.

photo of the day: cake!

2010-12-10T16:55:00.000-05:00

i recently shot a birthday party for an adorable 2 year old with singing & dancing & a most rad cake!

photo of the day: place dauphine

2010-12-02T12:01:00.003-05:00

a winter stroll from one of the most charming places. the air was brisk & the wind was swirling. a special day.

autumn strolls

2010-11-22T20:54:00.006-05:00

one of my favorite things about the autumn is the way it smells outside. the crisp air, the hint of fires burning...

on a day like this, i walk & walk & walk...

the art of becoming

2010-11-16T07:58:00.011-05:00

i have had one of the greatest experiences of my whole life.

but pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world. {c.s. lewis}

i've been writing a great deal, though i haven't shared much of it. but i will! there is a solace that comes with knowing just with God. a friend was praying for me a few months back & my heart skipped a beat when he prayed saying, Lord, no one, even i, knows what has gone on with regina behind the scenes, but she has meant a lot to me & so i pray that you will touch her heart. oh how true that is - there is everlasting solace in God seeing & the intimacy that comes with trust.

suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, & has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. i have been bent & broken, but - i hope - into a better shape. {charles dickens}

communing with God in prayer, especially au dehors (outside), is the most powerful kind of moment i know. God has reminded me over & over: be still, & know that i am God. let truth marinate. wrestle. become anew.

in the depth of winter, i finally learned that there was within me an invincible summer. {albert camus}

there are these moments when blind faith leads. we learn to seek not for explanation, but for more trust, strength & courage believing that God is Who He says He is & with deep courage & conviction we press into the unknown. we believe that a God who promised is faithful. there is a mysterious nature to God & the way He works, but in His revealed will - His word - we are called to obey & trust.

the truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering the more you suffer because smaller & more insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of being hurt. {thomas merton}

i am willing to get lost in order to be found in newer & deeper ways, trusting that you will not leave my cause forsaken or my path undone.

i will bless the Lord forever
& i will trust Him at all times
He has delivered me from all things
& He has set my feet upon the Rock

i will not be moved, & i'll say of the Lord
You are my Shield, my Strength, my Portion, Deliverer
my Shelter, Strong Tower, my very present help in time of need

whom have i in heaven but You
there's no one i desire beside You

You have made me glad, & i'll say of the Lord
You are my Shield, my Strength, my Portion, Deliverer
my Shelter, Strong Tower, my very present help in time of need

it is a brave person who engages in writing a story unsure of the ending. i have certainly never considered myself a brave person. but we all have this power through the grace & hope of Jesus Christ.

as cold as everything looks in winter, the sun has not forsaken us. He has only drawn away for a little, for good reasons, one of which is that we may learn that we cannot do without him. {george macdonald}

the Lord is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him; He hears their cry & saves them. {psalm 145:18-19}

thought of the day: truth

2010-11-09T18:34:00.005-05:00

on truth: today i was thinking about how important it is not to compromise it. in the past i have been guilty of elevating compassion over truth. half truths are not truth at all. in the hopes of keeping things happy frappy, we extend the wrong kind of grace. here's to having the wisdom to speak truth in love.

A. W. Tozer, Renewed Day By Day Vol. 1, September 23
throughout the whole world error & truth travel the same highways, work in the same fields & factories, attend the same churches, fly in the same planes & shop in the same stores. so skilled is error at imitating truth that the two are constantly being mistaken for each other. it takes a sharp eye these days to know which brother is Cain & which is Abel!

thought of the day: music

2010-11-04T06:56:00.003-04:00

i hear music… engaging, creating, observing… when i am laughing & when i am crying… my heart is moved. life is a soundtrack.

music is a fair & lovely gift of God which has often wakened & moved me... i have no use for cranks who despise music because it is a gift of God... my heart bubbles up & overflows in response to music, which has so often refreshed me & delivered me from dire plagues. {martin luther}

thought of the day: creation sings

2010-11-03T23:53:00.000-04:00

creativity & expression makes up my day to day. i see lines & shapes & colors... i see God. there is no monotony to the curious life. being an artist does not ends with job or circumstance. it's simply a way of life... seeing the limestone in the pavement. each day, created to Creator, i am awed by the intricacy & detail of the world around me.

isaiah 40:21-25

do you not know? have you not heard? has it not been told you from the beginning? have you not understood since the earth was founded? He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth, & its people are like grasshoppers. He stretches out the heavens like a canopy, & spreads them out like a tent to live in. He brings princes to naught & reduces the rulers of this world to nothing. No sooner are they planted, no sooner are they sown, no sooner do they take root in the ground, than he blows on them and they wither, & a whirlwind sweeps them away like chaff.

“To whom will you compare me? or who is my equal?” says the Holy One. lift up your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these?

He who brings out the starry host one by one & calls forth each of them by name. because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing.

be honest & curious about the world around you.

photo of the day: philadelphia architecture

2010-10-16T12:06:00.004-04:00

city walks philadelphia ... a little stop off for a coffee at bonté & perhaps a lunch to go from dibruno brothers... & of course plenty of walking. :)

photo of the day: remember haiti

2010-10-11T19:01:00.001-04:00

keep praying & reaching out ...

the gospel of suffering

2010-10-07T07:43:00.011-04:00

a few years back i was talking about what makes a good life story & i stared wide eyed saying that the gospel story is really a tapestry of redemption from the beginning of time until now, and that our stories are folded into God’s redemption plan for mankind.

i see the hand of God everywhere. creation reveals His power & intricacy & i never want to mislay that awe. i see the cross, something i don’t even fully even grasp in my narrow humanity, but i am grateful for such grace. in the tension of life's circumstances is a God who is sanctifying His bride until the day when there will be no more suffering & no more tears.

been reading & listening to sermons on the book of Job. it is putting voice to thoughts i have had in the dark, in the quiet, when no human being could hear me but God. it is a great moment when your thoughts & questions are spoken in validation.

there is more often the lack of lucid explanation as to why things are the way they are than precise clarity… but in that place, there is opportunity for resolute faith & the sweetest intimacy, Creator to created. there is hope in suffering because there is so much more than what is seen. to be honest, i am okay with that. study the book of Job & understand the answers to your deepest theological questions about who God is & the mystery of His presence in the tension of your mess. He is.

"you’re beautiful" by phil wickam
when we arrive at eternity’s shore

where death is just a memory & tears are no more
we’ll enter in as the wedding bells ring
Your bride will come together & we’ll sing
You’re beautiful, You're beautiful, You're beautiful

it's honest & it's longing. even on the best day, there is still a sense around us that things are not the way they should be. in that place, understanding the Gospel is of desperate & indispensable importance. in the tension He is glorified & we are refined more into the image of Jesus. what sublime intimacy.

{colossians 1:15-20}
He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, & through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.

autumn

2010-09-23T20:24:00.001-04:00

autumn is a second spring where every leaf is a flower. {albert camus}

book review: streams in the desert

2010-08-19T06:38:00.005-04:00

a friend got me a copy of this book & i have been so blessed by the words penned by l.b. cowman in these daily readings.

you will be invigorated with healing truth as you turn these pages... like the best hug. your heart will feel the healing rain of truth.

truth is something that we must root ourselves in daily in order to live with an essence of what really matters. blessed are the poor in spirit, for they shall see the Lord. reach out today with an open heart. we need God to spur us from the inside out. everything else grows dim in light of His peace & hope which has the power to abound regardless of circumstance.

God sees. nothing escapes Him. from everlasting to everlasting, He is.

may we trust in Him today with all of our hearts.

God, would Your light shine out the darkness in us. we need truth.

truth avoided for any period of time will degrade until it is beautifully clothed deceit. show us Your way. may the world know Your unconditional love through Jesus in us by the love we have one for another.

invade our hearts, invade this broken town. with an awe filled hope, i know You are here with tender mercy.

help us to know You.

awe filled reverence

2010-08-17T06:50:00.003-04:00

lately the conversation in my circles have been surrounding obedience to God. we live in an anything goes culture. i was so humbled this morning reading these psalms & proverbs ... oh to posture my heart in awe filled reverence towards God! may we have purity of heart - not duplicitous purity that lives saying the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak, but a people with consecrated, holy lives... lives of integrity, trust & faith. o to be marked with Your valor & honor, God...

from Psalm 24...

the earth is the LORD's, & everything in it, the world, & all who live in it;
for He founded it upon the seas & established it upon the waters.

who may ascend the hill of the LORD? who may stand in his holy place?

he who has clean hands & a pure heart, who does not lift up his soul to an idol or swear by what is false. he will receive blessing from the LORD & vindication from God his Savior. such is the generation of those who seek him, who seek Your face, O God of Jacob.
Selah

lift up your heads, O you gates; be lifted up, you ancient doors, that the King of glory may come in.

who is this King of glory?
the LORD strong and mighty, the LORD mighty in battle.

lift up your heads, O you gates; lift them up, you ancient doors, that the King of glory may come in.

who is he, this King of glory?
the LORD Almighty - He is the King of glory.
Selah

from Proverbs 1...

for attaining wisdom and discipline;
for understanding words of insight;
for acquiring a disciplined & prudent life, doing what is right and just & fair;
for giving prudence to the simple, knowledge & discretion to the young—
let the wise listen & add to their learning & let the discerning get guidance
for understanding proverbs & parables, the sayings & riddles of the wise.

the fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom & discipline.

my son, if sinners entice you, do not give in to them.
for their feet rush into sin, they are swift to shed blood.
how useless to spread a net in full view of all the birds!
these men lie in wait for their own blood; they waylay only themselves!
such is the end of all who go after ill-gotten gain; it takes away the lives of those who get it.

wisdom calls aloud in the street, she raises her voice in the public squares; at the head of the noisy streets she cries out, in the gateways of the city she makes her speech:

how long will you simple ones love your simple ways?
how long will mockers delight in mockery & fools hate knowledge?
if you had responded to my rebuke, I would have poured out my heart to you & made my thoughts known to you. but since you rejected me when I called & no one gave heed when I stretched out my hand, since you ignored all my advice & would not accept my rebuke, I in turn will laugh at your disaster; I will mock when calamity overtakes you— when calamity overtakes you like a storm, when disaster sweeps over you like a whirlwind, when distress & trouble overwhelm you.

then they will call to me but I will not answer; they will look for me but will not find me. since they hated knowledge & did not choose to fear the LORD, since they would not accept my advice & spurned my rebuke, they will eat the fruit of their ways & be filled with the fruit of their schemes.

for the waywardness of the simple will kill them, & the complacency of fools will destroy them; but whoever listens to me will live in safety & be at ease, without fear of harm.

thought of the day: reverent obedience

2010-08-12T07:09:00.009-04:00

{from psalm 28}
the LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, & i am helped.
my heart leaps for joy & i will give thanks to Him in song.

{from psalm 71}
You are my salvation! my vast, granite fortress. my bedrock since my childhood. i will always have hope for you have done it all. who is like You?

have you had encouragement from trusting God? do you trust God? trust Him with the details of your life & the encouragement of His spirit will come. strength comes as we do the right thing. really trust Him – enough to respond well when it’s dark or hard, or when it seems silly & without consequence. that is perhaps the most dangerous way to fool ourselves - for it is in the seemingly small disobediences that our consciousness become tarnished & truth’s twinkle dims. i am realizing more & more how much God honors our reverent obedience. He will not leave our cause forsaken or our path undone when we trust Him with all of our hearts & lean not on our own understanding.

desert song {by hillsong}
this is my prayer in the desert, when all that's within me feels dry
this is my prayer in my hunger and need, my God is the God who provides
& this is my prayer in the fire, in weakness, or trial, or pain
there is a faith proved more worth than gold
so refine me Lord through the flame…

this is my prayer in the battle, when triumph is still on its way
i am a conqueror & co-heir with Christ
so firm on his promise I'll stand

this is my prayer in the harvest
when favor & Providence flow
i know i'm filled to be emptied again
the seed i've received i will sow

strength is the strain

2010-08-04T03:17:00.006-04:00

i was driving down the street in Haiti, just crying out for the Spirit of God to break out in the broken government, for His people to worship in the chaos of the daily life seen in this moment i shot above... for mercy over the kids running around begging, for hope for the man who would work if he could find it... for He is God. since i've been back from haiti, there have been many restless nights. in the lovely a/c, i lie under my fluffy duvet & i think about these people so close to me - south florida & haiti are separated by a 90 minute flight. i pray. i have a restlessness with injustice & darkness. i dream & i'm trying to do what i can do to add my little. i am thankful for what God is doing in the faith lives of so many in haiti. i celebrate that. but i know there is work to be done in the physical & more importantly, in the spiritual. i am full of hopeful anticipation. i read august 2 from "my utmost for His highest" by oswald chambers & was so encouraged to push forward. today a friend & i were talking & reminded one another that the strength is in the strain. we are blessed To Be a blessing. life isn't always only cream puffs & pizza. what will i do with my blessings? i am grateful for my fluffy duvet. i am so grateful. may we never desire the pleasantries of earth over God & eternity. may we worship the Giver, not the gifts, & use what we do have in our skills & resources to help a world around us in need.

THE DISCIPLINE OF DIFFICULTY by oswald chambers
"In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world." John 16:33

An average view of the Christian life is that it means deliverance from trouble. It is deliverance in trouble, which is very different. "He that dwelleth in the secret place of the Most High . . . there shall no evil befall thee" - no plague can come nigh the place where you are at one with God.

If you are a child of God, there certainly will be troubles to meet, but Jesus says do not be surprised when they come. "In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world, there is nothing for you to fear." Men who before they were saved would scorn to talk about troubles, often become "fushionless" after being born again because they have a wrong idea of a saint.

God does not give us overcoming life: He gives us life as we overcome. The strain is the strength. If there is no strain, there is no strength. Are you asking God to give you life and liberty and joy? He cannot, unless you will accept the strain. Immediately you face the strain, you will get the strength. Overcome your own timidity and take the step, and God will give you to eat of the tree of life and you will get nourishment. If you spend yourself out physically, you become exhausted; but spend yourself spiritually, and you get more strength. God never gives strength for to-morrow, or for the next hour, but only for the strain of the minute. The temptation is to face difficulties from a common-sense standpoint. The saint is hilarious when he is crushed with difficulties because the thing is so ludicrously impossible to anyone but God.

reaching beyond our grasp

2010-08-02T23:53:00.002-04:00

i was thinking tonight about freedom & how very much it costs. what did i do with the freedom of my blessings today? what does life look like in the small moments? i fear at times we get quite amused with our own stories in ways that selfishly preclude us from engaging in a hurting & needy world around us. there is a great challenge to live broken & wholly surrendered... it lends to tending not just to one's own interests, but also living outside of one's story, aware. we must learn to reach beyond our grasp. i learn a little more about this every day. it's good work. humbling. challenging but good. what you lose will be what you gain because you can never spend too much on love. luke 9:23

i feel the autumn & winter coming on inside me. (it's 90 degrees in soFla as i type this, so yes, i am a yankee). but really, there is something to the changing seasons that reminds me of how growth happens... it's through death that new life comes. what i treasure about the art of becoming is that it is never too late to begin so long as you are ready to die. may we be ever growing onwards & upwards. refinement... a lifestyle.

up

2010-07-28T07:25:00.006-04:00

the Lord is my light and my salvation - whom shall i fear?
the Lord is the stronghold of my life - of whom shall i be afraid?

when evil men advance against me to devour my flesh, when my enemies & my foes attack me, they will stumble & fall.
though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will i be confident.

one thing i ask of the Lord, this is what i seek:
that i may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord & to seek Him in his temple.

for in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle & set me high upon a rock.

hear my voice when i call, O LORD; be merciful to me & answer me.
my heart says of you, "seek His face!"
Your face, LORD, i will seek.

do not hide your face from me, do not turn your servant away in anger; You have been my helper.

i am still confident of this: i will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
wait for the Lord; be strong & take heart & wait for the Lord.

{from psalm 27}

h2o & haiti

2010-07-20T13:26:00.008-04:00

praying for the people of haiti today.

like so many others, a local non-profit i'm working with in south florida called www.fivemillionfaces.org is working to get sustainable clean water into villages like the one you see above. homebuilding & discipleship projects are also underway. i'm so full of hopeful anticipation for great revival of hearts & lives. if we all do a little, together, it is a lot. they are our florida neighbors. let's strain forward & make a difference in a place that is in desperate need. please be in touch (rl@reginajoans.com)!

a late bloomer birthday

2010-07-12T00:31:00.001-04:00

Abba, i abandon myself into Your hands. thank You. ready as i can be, i invite & accept all. let Your will be done in me & in all creation. spark me deeper & anew with Your inspiration, with Your hope & courage - from the inside out. ruin me for the ordinary. help me to not grow complacent & lead a practical life. make me to shine like a star for all that is noble. use the burning desires in me for redemption against injustice. i avail myself to You. into Your hands i commend my spirit. i surrender with ruthless trust into Your hands without reserve. {you can only see the stars in the dark my regina. so much has been stripped away. our communion is especially intense & sweet. I understand & I am at work. trust Me unabashedly. against the powers of darkness, love from My well until the cycle of hate is broken. claim My Word, meditate on it day & night. you are precious & fragile & strong & I love you unconditionally. I choose you. I will never leave you, I will never forsake you, even when you fail. keep on, I am renewing you. hold fast precious girl to what is unseen, for faith is not faith that sees. keep on in your pursuit of depth. keep dreaming. keep trying to hit the grand slam. I am with you. let nothing disturb you, let nothing frighten you... while all things are passing, I cannot be moved & whoever has Me lacks nothing.}

haiti, 6 months later

2010-07-11T13:22:00.003-04:00

tomorrow marks 6 months since the jan 12 earthquake in haiti. this is a 1.5 hr flight from southeast florida. haiti has further regressed as the infrastructure has been so assaulted that need & resource are having so much diifculty connecting. one village may have no shoes & an hour away others are selling shoes from one end of the block to the other. the piles of cement are everywhere. praying today for a nation torn down, full of heartbreak, but hopeful with ideas that are leading to action. more to come... support www.fivemillionfaces.org as they begin sustainable homebuilding in haiti.

eternal hope

2010-07-09T07:29:00.004-04:00

have you ever wondered about injustice?

i remind myself today that God sees & cares. i want to be a person that extends grace. a person that loves out in an overflowing love. when you love from that place, i don't think you can ever spend too much. i want to love until the cycle of hate is broken - to love when it is hard, to trust when it is awkward or unsafe or treacherous.

faith is not faith that sees.

"the breeze can only be, when she overcomes the heat... the heart can only shake, when there's risk that it could break..." {from looks like love by need to breathe}

i am dreaming about sustainable projects in haiti. can't wait to go back!

from psalm 33...
sing joyfully to the Lord, you righteous; it is fitting for the upright to praise Him. praise the Lord with the harp; make music to Him on the ten-stringed lyre. sing to Him a new song; play skillfully, & shout for joy. for the word of the Lord is right & true; He is faithful in all he does. the Lord loves righteousness & justice; the earth is full of his unfailing love. by the word of the Lord were the heavens made, their starry host by the breath of His mouth. He gathers the waters of the sea into jars; He puts the deep into storehouses.

let all the earth fear the Lord; let all the people of the world revere Him. for He spoke, & it came to be; He commanded, & it stood firm.

no king is saved by the size of his army; no warrior escapes by his great strength. a horse is a vain hope for deliverance; despite all its great strength it cannot save. but the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love, to deliver them from death & keep them alive in famine.

we wait in hope for the Lord; He is our help & our shield. in Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy name. may Your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in You.

from percin {haiti}

2010-07-07T10:01:00.008-04:00

percin is a slum in the fishing town of petit goâve, which is about 45 miles southwest of port-au-prince. the earthquake's epicentre was almost exactly under petit goâve. when we arrived to percin, we walked down a long trail lined with tents & makeshift aluminum homes. at the pit of the long trail leading out to the water, there was a deep well which would have been a water reserve except the pipe broke during the quake & it is now back-filled with trash & wreckage. the kids here were especially anxious to play & talk with us. when we talked with the adults, they told us they would work if they could find it. one woman starting washing herself & her son with a bar of soap standing in the mud with a bowl of dirty water while we were shooting - some of them had no conception of the camera or what it does. i felt like i got dropped back in time.

the girl just below saw me with my camera & just smiled so widely. there is a hole in the ground just behind her that serves as a bathroom hole. people talking. loud. kids everywhere. sun beating down so hard that you can't wipe the sweat away fast enough.

kids being kids...

their faces are so precious. it is difficult to me to look at these photos remembering standing there being with them. it was so hard to leave this place that day without Doing something right then. we prayed. we told them we want to help. we brought a soccer ball & the kids immediately started kicking it around. they kept yelling, "you, photo". i would say, je m'apppelle regina & they would smile & then yell, regina, photo! some would tell me their names & we would talk a little. they embrace being loved. they tugged on me & swarmed around me excited to see the mystery of what the camera had produced. so many of them have never really seen themselves.

this little girl came running after me & asked me to take a picture of her...

this is where she lives...

in haiti, all the little kids really look out for one another...

percin is on the ocean! this is waterfront. it is an overfished area with people bring in 2 inch fishies just to get food. what some infrastructure & knowledge about how to keep a sustainable fishing village would do here! i am praying for this place. their community is strong & the have tenacity i have rarely witnessed. it puts an awful lot in perspective. be thankful. we are blessed to be a blessing. www.fivemillionfaces.org has teams of surveyors & architects with the goal of home building in haiti. learn & support. 1 dollar here, 1 dollar there, & we can help these people get a leg up to jump start themselves.

these kids chased us all the way from the water through the slum out to the road & jumped up there beaming at me...

port-au-prince {haiti}

2010-07-03T00:29:00.001-04:00

today in haiti i saw life & i saw death. i saw destruction &i saw resurrection. a resilient & formidable people, haitians are fighting for a voice to climb out of the rubble.

going to haiti

2010-07-02T01:28:00.000-04:00

so i'm leaving for haiti & earlier i stopped by to say hi to some friends... we got talking & they inspired the kids to donate these ever so popular silly band bracelets for the kids i am going to see in haiti. one little girl literally took her whole pile & shoved it into the plastic bag. my heart took a leap in that moment! the dad made a great example & gave away the most favored one - the one the kids thought was the coolest & the best. it was a sweet moment... so here they are today... stay tuned...

creating out of impossibility

2010-07-01T07:10:00.012-04:00

i'm almost always thinking about creating. God i think, sees the miraculous in the common. God creates out of impossibility. this is great fuel for the way i think about the world.

it will soon be 6 months from the 2010 earthquake that struck haiti on jan 12. it was a 7.0 magnitude quake that killed over 230,000 people!! it devastated the capital city of port-au-prince & an estimated 1mm people were left homeless. even in "good" times, haiti has a critically weak infrastructure, both in economics & physical so this quake brought a new level of devastation...

i think it's that i believe the promise that God is present in an everlasting way that spurs on my spirit. that God is the Creator of people from dust. that God provides a way when there is no way at all. so i guess when i look at loss & brokenness, & tears are streaming down my face, i trust Him, i praise Him still. it is the most ruthless kind of trust that leads to sublime intimacy. i think God weeps with those who weep. i am in tearful awe - He loves so infinitely that He makes something from nothing - over & over again. i don't get to see the big picture much of the time, but i trust God's word entirely.

i was listening to joshua radin the other night while i was working on my computer & i wasn't particularly listening to the song, but all of a sudden i distinctly heard... "most kind of stories, save the best part for last..." & my eyes welled up all moist & i smiled. there is a very real joy in me that sees eternity & knows so well this place of earth as it is today is not forever. here's to making it count, knowing that this is a story that is saving the Best part for last. there may be some battles of free will won & lost along the way, but in the end, love wins.

...i'm headed to haiti soon for what i hope is the first of many trips. i'm so humbled & excited by the way it came about. i am praying that God helps me connect with people there. i am praying that through the devastation there is a new hope. i am going to be capturing stories & images for the non-profit "five million faces" (who, btw, are just so rad & honest & compassionate. support them!).

i'll try to post pics via twitter daily if you are interested.... login to twitter & then follow here: www.twitter.com/reginajoans for a daily feed.

(p.s.: that song by mr. joshua radin is titled: "brand new day").

photoshoot: yari ortiz

2010-06-27T00:45:00.007-04:00

i went out shooting saturday with my sweet friend yari. she & her fun-loving & doting husband sam are having their boy malachi this august... i am blessed to call them friends... we had fun!

www.reginajoans.com

2010-06-26T00:50:00.001-04:00

thanks to web design/coding guro extraordinaire deb stripe, ta da... i have a temp page for my website. trying to write code & program a site has been the bain the of my existance over the last year so i like to celebrate the small triumph of my temp page. it's all the (seemingly) small victories along the way that make an actual story... like limestone... it's the collection of the many stones that makes it shimmer.

we are going to design & build away over the summer but we are on our way... www.reginajoans.com

my secret garden

2010-06-25T07:04:00.006-04:00

i've been traveling so much lately that my roller bag is under my kitchen table ready for load in & load out! many exciting dreams & ideas taking shape. i'm thankful for the very real presence of God. He is a Father who sees. it in the tension of holding fast to Christ (in all circumstances), that our faith take root more & more. as we humbly submit, trust God & walk in His power & not our own, His power is truly made perfect in the weakness of earthly circumstances... of sin, of pain. of loss. of brokenness... in betrayal, duplicity, dishonesty & selfishness... because God sees great opportunities disguised as insolvable problems. that is amazing!!!! i am face down as i see throughout history that God makes something out of nothing.

he is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose. {jim elliot}

i passed through my hometown outside of philadelphia a couple of weeks ago, & so it was a giant surprise when i showed up again for fathers day. my dad was so happily shocked & hours later was still perplexed looking at me - it was great! when he pulled up to the airport his face was so stern looking through the window at me that i thought he was going to drive up the curb!

we have these gardens near my parents home that are just an oasis. depending on the blooms, it can really feel like this etherial secret garden. my dad has a famously successful green thumb. he loves getting a coffee & going to the gardens & talking about what he might plant next - along with what he wants to eat for his next meal. he's wry & witty... & downright silly at times. he is extremely kind & giving, very loyal & hardworking. we had a couple of incidents that were gut wrenching funny. we bbq'd on the grill & i mowed the grass for him on his intense john deere tractor! i wanted to drive it & boy did i ever (he told me to slow down a bit on the turns!!). i do love the smell of freshly cut grass. it was all very hilarious, i assure you. it is so nice to walk around the yard (barefoot), dodging golf balls he might be hitting. fore!!

walking in new york city

2010-06-17T02:16:00.005-04:00

city walks: it's soulful to pad around praying, talking, listening, watching... from tragedy to jubilee, there is so much life. sometimes i hear a musical score or soundtrack playing when i walk around new york.

about a week ago i had to be in the city & what a day... i stood under a deep blue sky & felt the swooshing of an unusually cool breeze. new york is a lot of really gritty things, but it is that kind of uncanny day that fosters all its idealism.

i walked. i was silent. i chatted. i prayed to God. i am yours Lord. take everything.
a good city walk.

the day started in 30th street station in phl... boy do i love that space. it feels just how a train station should... old, worn, not totally clean, sturdy, even a bit rugged. but its lights gleam a warm yellow that make it etherial somehow. i do also really like that clicking sound of the schedule board... ;)

a couple of nyc iphone moments:

june at the gryphon

2010-06-16T06:56:00.002-04:00

i Super Really enjoy the local atmosphere of the gryphon café (www.gryphoncafe.com). locally owned & operated at 105 west lancaster avenue in wayne, pa, this place is the best kind of neighborhood spot. about a year ago i set out to get my art on display in their café… & this june became that month! for the entire month, some of my creative photography is decorating their back left wall! it's inspiring & exciting to be able to share... thanks so much to the café for fostering a creative community with your artist program!

my recommendation:
a latté (they roast their own beans & i promise you, this coffee does not disappoint!)
tomato soup
roast beef sandwich on a croissant
(in no specific order, although the soup & rb sandwich go famously together)
stare at the art with a book or some company
if you like something, it’s for sale!
you can buy it right off the wall directly through the gryphon.

tortoise {a poem}

2010-06-01T22:48:00.013-04:00

melancholy hope
come down
new life glimmers

a day late & a dollar short?
a messy tension
this pristine grunge

waiting for the words to lift
for beauty to late bloom
be gone regret's sting

forgiveness?
if you knew me
would you love me?

stubborn will now bent
an ashy beauty
death rises new life

in the heat of the fire
refined
hold on, letting go

truth shine the way
slow & steady
up redemption's avenue

dear gramps on your 92nd birthday

2010-05-30T01:05:00.000-04:00

dear gramps:

when i was visiting grams last week she mentioned how much she misses you. she always does. we were sitting on the porch (of course), & i can't tell you how strange it (still) is to not have you sitting there quipping about something or nothing. i just loved your stories.

grams is mostly doing well, but she is starting to shut down, i can feel it. she had a scare last week at the hospital, but we busted her out of there faster than you can even imagine. she is so funny because she still thinks she is 20 skating around the roller rink with you - she hates getting old! she has such a lighthearted, laughing way though - she is truly young at heart & i know that's where mom gets it. remember how grams would stand at the sink & hold the counter to not fall over because she would be laughing so hard at you?!!

the one thing she mentions every time i talk to her is how many years you two were married. i never realized until lately how much that commitment really meant. i wish i were more like you guys. you were both so fortunate to have one another. for better & for worse. you were a team & that is how it is meant to be.

i was thinking about being a little kid out on the dock with you looking into the canal. i'm glad for those memories. i'm glad that you had those honey bell orange trees. they were the best oranges in the whole world. i can still taste them, even now. & star-fruits! ha! my fellow peers in elementary school would stare oddly at me. you got what shipped from florida?!! how could they not know the joys of carambola's?! tasty little stars.

i always felt like i knew you well, even when i was a kid, & even though we didn't live close by one another. we connected. i feel like you saw my true heart. & i saw you. there was a bond there that was unspoken. i'm glad we got to live in close proximity these last years together since i moved to FL. all those games of solitaire out on the patio & sunday afternoon visits... your stories (& stubborn rants) were so funny! i would sit & just listen for hours, bringing you "treats" that you weren't supposed to be eating. ha! i'm so glad now for those moments & the relationship we got to build. getting to watch the miracle of your heart melt over those 5 years is something i thank God for all the time. you were so far from perfect, but you knew that. i'm grateful you bowed your knee to Jesus.

your fire & zest, commitment, work ethic & honesty are far too rare.

i've really missed you. & that's the truth. i look at the pictures from time to time... & the videos! hiawatha! to be honest, i have a hard time going over to the house. those last days were so intense - beautiful & redemptive, but intense. so much has changed since then, you probably wouldn't even believe it. as much as God worked on you, He is a Rock, a Fortress. all things are passing, especially us, yet He remains. your life reminds me of that, especially in the strange place i have come to find myself. i get all full of anticipation b/c the God who melted your heart also holds my life in His hands. there are lots of exciting eternal opportunities at hand. i'm trusting Him gramps! your life has helped fuel that!

i am so grateful you are with Jesus. Jesus paid it all, all to Him i owe... sin had left a crimson stain, He washed it white as snow.... Lord, now indeed i find, Thy power & Thine alone, can change the leper’s spots & melt the heart of stone... i stood in church a few months before you passed away singing at the top of my lungs... Savior, You can move a mountain, my God is mighty to save, He is might to save, forever, Author of salvation, He rose & conquered the grave, Jesus conquered the grave...

it's memorial day weekend & how fitting that your birthday is the 30th of may. thank you for serving our country. cheers to your life & thanks to God for creating you & having my mom. she cares so much & loves Jesus. she has prayed for all of us & has been faithful. our family is broken but always being rebuilt with the humility & hope of Jesus.

wish you were here with me, but more thankful you are with Jesus.
love, regina

the moon {nantucket, ma}

2010-05-29T00:19:00.001-04:00

under the moon.
amazing. romantic. dreamy. strong.

o Lord, how majestic is Your name in all the earth. You have set Your glory above the heavens. when I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, the moon & the stars, which You have set in place, what is man that You are mindful of him, the son of man that You care for him? o Lord, how majestic is Your name in all the earth.
{from psalm 8}

praise the Lord from the heavens, praise Him in the heights above.
praise Him, all his angels, praise Him, all His heavenly hosts.
praise Him, sun & moon, praise Him, all you shining stars.
praise Him you highest heavens & you waters above the skies.
let them praise the name of the Lord, for He commanded & they were created; for His name alone is exalted; His splendor is above the earth & the heavens.
{from psalm 148}

next post: dear gramps on your 92nd birthday

thought of the day: grace

2010-05-28T06:46:00.006-04:00

grace is scarce.

i was in riveria beach a couple of days ago & i can't stop thinking about the little girls i came across there. their faces were precious! later that night i was thinking about the stories of the people i saw in this inpoverished town. what happened to them? what were they born into? what good/bad choices have they made? what choices were made to/for them? is anyone offering light & hope to the young minds to help re-write their story? is anyone willing to get into their rubble & dig out alongside of them?

this scene doesn't happen only in crime ridden, fiscally poor, drug infested neighborhoods. brokenness & soul poverty happens in the rich, well coiffed clad neighborhoods too.

why is grace scarce?

when it really matters, there seems to be plenty of judgment & not a whole lot of mercy. i guess it's easier to judge actions than stand alongside the pain, fostering growth, helping to re-write & become.

whatever the life circumstance or situation, when it feels hopeless, coping happens. we all cope in different ways - sometimes it's an emotional coping just to get through a hard time - just to give way to heal. but sometimes that moment drags on & we never get the healing we really need - relationships, drugs, sex, shopping, power, pride, porn, alienation........ they become ongoing coping bandaids to our deepest wounds.

i'm just wondering what it would look like if grace were less scarce. i am wondering what would happen if we withheld judgement & extended grace, even when it's hard.

healing happens only when the broken is let out - that takes grace.

i'm so imperfect. i have failed people. but i want to strive to love until the cycle of hate is broken.

it's hard work walking alongside of people - sometimes it is hard being walked along side of - sometimes we are so used to Not getting grace, that it becomes a strange thing to receive at first. but if you've ever observed someone's life & face when they've been redeemed in something, not given up on - a recipient of this undeserved love - you know that grace is powerful.

it takes time. it is hard work. it requires something of us. it's not about a quick fix. to evoke real life change, we have to be a people who entend grace - which by definition is underved. we Need grace when we deserve it least.

gossip, slander & judgment vs extending grace. the first breaks down further the problem of pain, but grace....grace gives the brokenness of a new name called hope. & extending grace does not mean reducing truth. we can only have this kind of heart when God gives it to us -- i am convinced that if Jesus was reasonable with His love, He would have never gone to the cross. & yet in the midst of people mocking & disbelieving Him, He did. it's in that power we can live.

my humanity is challenged by this.

here's to getting grace from the Source, receiving it & extending it. here's to not giving up when it's hard, messy & troubling. here's to trusting God in that blind & beautiful way that frees us to live out of His well which does not run dry.

singing with the windows down

2010-05-27T19:39:00.000-04:00

dreams of honest hope & pure Love from above...

there is nothing that stirs my soul more than God. i was driving home this afternoon & the sun was fading in strength a little. this last week the south fla sun has really been beaming me out! it's gorgeous but soooo strong. my Favorite Favorite Favorite time of day is when that special light glimmers late in the afternoon.... when it cools a little & the day begins to wind down... i appreciate that moment each day so much.

i'm dreaming & moving. i love that. i am so grateful. with all that is wrong, there is an Everlasting Hope of all that Is....

i put down the windows on the highway & put the volume up high of my special mix cd... & i started singing..... "broken away the chains that restrained me.... hallelujah..."

i love it. let go. be present in the moment you are in.... falling forward. onwards. onwards & upwards. ahhhhhh.

faith. it's daunting & beautiful. it's blind. i stand in the tension of the beautiful mess knowing who i am & in Whom i am found. in the fair, in the unfair, justice & injustice, in compromise & in standing up..... in glee & in grief.... in all the moments of life, God is God. His promises remain.

the end of the world as i know it {great point, mass}

2010-05-26T01:31:00.004-04:00

i Loved this day. adventuring out to great point at the very end of nantucket island was such a treat (see: http://twitpic.com/1oevtg). you can't just go out there... you have to have a permit & a special kind of vehicle (not to mention someone can that handle the drive out there)! all i can say is that i don't normally shoot video on my camera & i'm so glad i did, b/c i will treasure re-living that trek for a long time to come. the offroading was a bumpy blast in the back of the pick-up truck! we laughed as we got tangled up in the tackle box, one another & camera gear. we literally had no control - it was that bumpy. laughed 'til it hurt.

while we were waiting for the air pressure in the tires to be taken down to the right levels, we relaxed under a crazy blue sky with mr. tackle box & fishing rods...

when we finally got out to the end of the island - to its most northern tip, i was speechless. this will probably sound silly, but the sound was amazing. the lack of the hum of anything is intense. it was so incredibly still, but you could literally feel the movement in the air. i felt God so intensely as we pounded through that preserve & saw ocean to our left & to our right. in the stillness, He is.

making our way out to great point (where there is literally a point formation), we were greeted by oodles of seals!

i edged closer & closer to make friends with these guys! i liked listening to them sing. & i really liked watching them go from the sand into the ocean. flop, turn, waddle, push. i could've pitched a tent & spent a couple of days out there - it was amazing.

oh the lighthouse. cool rocks were found in the sand as i explored around.

as we left, sand whirling behind us, i looked back & snagged this from the back of the truck. what a ride!

a bike ride on nantucket

2010-05-25T18:20:00.001-04:00

a couple weeks ago i took two camera's & a bike & ventured out on nantucket to bartlett's farm. the main goal was a panini sandwich of bartlett's tomatoes, fresh mozzarella & basil but i guess it was also a comedy show of biking... surely a few people got a good laugh as i nearly wrecked a couple of times as i shot from my bike, ha!

i stopped & got off my bike for a break right by this fence post here & turned around to my bike crashing to the ground. i was standing out here all by myself laughing out loud b/c only me would pack a bike basket stuffed w/ camera gear & different kinds of film... forget water, i had my holgaroid. well, i guess the kickstand angle did not support the weight of my progressively askew basket of creativity........ crash!

the moment below was my favorite part of this little adventure. every once in a while a car would pass me (& i would do a dashingly klutz-o move to not fall off my bike, spraying some sand-dirt as i tried to Not veer of the road), but mostly it was just me underneath a blue sky & lots of wide space. seeing these very familiar postal service boxes stacked on top of crooked old mailboxes in the middle of a field made me take pause. it's so nice to slow down.

fire inside

2010-05-23T23:12:00.006-04:00

a week or so ago i was walking & the sky was pure black & i saw all these stars. i was on an island in the middle of the atlantic. i swear these stars looked like huge white twinkling lights all across the night sky. intense white sparkle against unpolluted black. (i started skipping!! overwhelmed). by the word of the Lord were the heavens made, their starry host by the breath of His mouth. {psalm 33:6} standing in creation awes me. i experience the power of God in a ways that deepen my trust... it brings me to my knees. i am wooed, humbled & encouraged.

i get so full of dreams & ideas, my mind & heart start to bubble & i get this bursting feeling for redemption. abounding anticipation - it's like a fire inside of me. the burden of what those dreams cost (not about $) challenges me... if anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself & take up his cross daily & follow me. live missional. Jesus made disciples, not consumers. this fire inside of me despises mediocrity. there is unyielding passion inside of me. yet there has also been great compromise in my life. i wrestle with the mediocrity in my life & in the world around me. i'm restless for the unordinary & miraculous.

i feel such grace & compassion from God because i have so much mess in me - & yet He loves me & makes me newer every passing day i abide in His grace. i have found a Love that heals & restores in Jesus. for the world around me, i hope that we will be honest with where we are scared & wounded. i pray that the power of Jesus would be our healer. i pray we will strip away, dig deep & fly high. may we know in Whom we are found & live out of that well of trust.